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:: L O S I N G  I T ::

By NancyAmazon

Detroit Michigan, two years ago.

A couple of teenage girls are working in a fast food joint. The place is a graveyard and they're bored. One is cleaning the bench while the other looks like she's leaning back staring at the other girl's ass.

Their early-twenties manager comes out and demands that the second girl help with the cleaning. She shrugs him off - she's got attitude. He retreats into the back. As soon as he's gone the girls start to kiss each other, slowly at first then with more intensity. The guy spots them through the glass in the door. He watches for a second, then unzips his pants and starts masturbating while he's watching them. We see the girls get hot and heavy, and his breath against the glass. The girls don't notice he's watching them.


Shane is looking hot. She's hit a club with Clive. They walk through the crowds of gay boys. This club looks and feels very different from the usual lesbian clubs we see on the show. As they walk through many guys size Shane up.

Harry and his friends are sniffing oxy by the bar. When Clive reaches Harry he reaches straight for the oxy tube but Harry stops him, insisting on introductions before drugs. Harry fawns all over Shane. Shane is pissed that Clive didn't tell them who/what she is. Harry implies that nothing Shane could say would make a difference, so he gets quite a shock when Shane says she's a girl. He’s disappointed because it's always the skinny boys who have the biggest cocks. He starts fondling with Shane's pants like he doesn't believe her. She backs off and heads for the bar, disgusted by him.

Tim is at home and his conscience is killing him – it could be that it’s sinking in that he abandoned Jenny in Tahoe with no money and no way of getting home. It's 3am and he can't sleep. He puts on some sweats and gloves and heads for the garage with a little tension to work out.

Tina is up late reading a parenting guide. Bette walks in, sits beside her and starts massaging her feet. She asks if Tina feels sick and if there’s anything she can do. Tina replies, no she's just awake, but the foot massage feels good. Bette comments that Tina can sleep on the whole plane ride. She asks if Tina could have anything right then, what would it be? Tina replies she'd like something cold. They go through the alternatives and agree on a Slurpie. Bette is happy to oblige and heads for an all-night convenience store.

Back to the gay bar. Lots of sweaty men dancing. Looks like someone at Showtime is trying to get us lesbians back for all those Lindsay/Melanie scenes they had to include in Queer As Folk. Clive is spilling the beans about Shane and their collective past. They turned tricks together in Santa Monica for six months. Apparently Shane only gave hand jobs, no matter how much they offered her. Harry remarks that's called integrity, and it isn't something you can buy or steal. It’s hard to tell if that means it is something he respects.

Harry enquires as to whether Shane would go for a trick now. Clive says no, she's a hairstylist now. Harry promises that he's going to send her Cherie Jaffe, the wife of his business partner. She's a Hollywood mover and shaker who sounds like she could make or break Shane’s professional reputation. Shane is shocked and suspicious. We get the feeling she’s learned the hard way that most favours come at a price. She takes a hit of something she thinks is blow but turns out to be Oxy. Her worries all fade as the drug starts to kick in.

Tim is in the garage whacking his punching bag. He's really built. Bette walks past carrying an enormous slurpie. She waits quietly at the door until he notices her. He apologises if he's making too much noise. Bette waves him off, explaining her late night craving run. She asks if Tim wants to talk about it. He nods.

Tim thinks he's a fucking idiot for not noticing the affair. Bette disagrees, saying she wouldn't have thought Jenny would be unfaithful either. He explains about their Tahoe wedding barely eight hours after he walked in on Jenny and Marina. Bette admits she completely understands why he did it - she could imagine herself doing some crazy things if she thought she was going to lose Tina. Everything feels empty now for him. He expected to be mad and is shocked that he just feels nothing. Now he has no idea where she is.

Bette tries to pitch Tim that old nugget about Jenny being a writer and that writers crave experience. Perhaps that's all Marina was, an attempt by Jenny to broaden her experiences? Tim just says he thinks Jenny's a fucking typical dyke. Bette refuses to be tarred with the same brush; that's why they left Tim’s dinner party, because she couldn't bear to see Marina and Jenny doing what they were doing.

Bette realises from Tim’s shocked look that he didn't know it was going on back then. He was starting to believe that it had only been that one time. Bette apologises, she didn't tell him because Tim is her friend and sometimes people kill the messenger. He asks how long it was going on, and Bette honestly says she doesn't know. He's pissed, like there's some big lesbian conspiracy out there determined to keep him from knowing the truth.

Next morning. Flash to Jenny by the side of the road, somewhere between Tahoe and LA. She's writing bad poetry to Tim and we hear some of it out loud.

Tim sits on his couch at home, restless, still wearing the sweats from the night before. He hasn’t slept. The phone rings but it’s a salesman. Tim swears, hangs up and throws the phone on the floor in frustration.

Bette is madly packing while on the phone checking details with her assistant. Peggy Peabody has invited them both to New York for the opening of the “Provocations” exhibit. Tina is sitting on the bed, doing her breathing exercises and trying not to throw up. She's impressed as this was the first time they've received an invitation that had her name on it rather than just "Bette Porter and Guest". However, Tina still looks less than ready to walk, let alone fly.

Finally Bette realises that Tina isn't up to it, that she can’t go anywhere. She tells her to call, day or night, if she needs her. Apparently their yoga teacher has recommended a Chinese herbalist with a cure for morning sickness. Bette has second thoughts about leaving her at home alone, but finally Tina convinces her to go.

Shane's flatmates are sitting at The Planet talking about the women's night they're planning to hold. They discuss a name for the night, and come up with TWAT! Alice is sitting at a table next to them overhearing everything. She’s feeling lonely so she picks up the phone and calls Shane but just gets her machine. She leaves a message about Shane's flatmates saying twat like they have Tourette's syndrome and Dana and Lara having left after giving her the "we fucked all night" vibe. Alice misses someone to be surly and cynical with.

Out of nowhere appears Lisa the Lesbian Identified Man. Alice's face lights up and he joins her. Lisa starts to win her over with his "so sensitive it's making my ears bleed" routine. Anyway, she explains that the situation with her mother got a lot worse after the conversation they had the other day, but that he can't possibly want to hear all the boring details. Au contraire, he's fascinated, as any sensitive LIM would be. Lisa listens and then tells Alice everything she wants to hear, agrees with her every word and basically makes Alice feel validated. He's kinda sweet, but very weird.

Shane is asleep in her car outside the salon where she works. She looks like shit, and she's still wearing the clothes from clubbing the night before. Her boss goes ballistic and orders her inside to get cleaned up before any of the clients see her. She's still either drunk or drug fucked because she doesn’t do much more than just wriggle around in the front seat of the car. He insists that no matter what skanky things Shane did to what skanky people, he won't have that skankiness in his shop. He seems to like the word skanky, and well, it kind of does describe Shane's look.

Tina appears at The Planet looking radiant - much better than she did that morning. Bette apparently called Alice at 6am and left left strict instructions to let Tina sleep in until 10.30am. Tina is pleased that Bette was considerate enough to call. Now that she’s puked up most of her internal organs Tina says she's feeling a lot better. Lisa tells Tina he's jealous that his body will never experience what her body is experiencing right now. Alice looks charmed, Tina looks weirded out.

Tim has finally decided to use the phone to try and find Jenny. He calls the hotel he left her at and learns that she checked out early that morning.

Cut to Jenny hitchhiking. Inside her head she's composing some more really bad poetry, things about eviscerating her heart and tearing out her organs as gifts for Tim. Finally a black 4WD stops. She looks nervous for a second and then walks up to the car and gets in.

Tim is at the police station filing a missing person report. Apparently she hasn't been gone 48 hours yet so there's nothing the officer can do. He can't even take a description of Jenny yet, not until she's officially listed as missing. Tim gets agitated. He tries to tell the officer everything, all the sordid details. A couple of guys behind Tim in the line are waiting for something really simple and they get on Tim’s nerves by asking him to hurry it up. He asks the cop if it had been his boyfriend who was missing, would the officer help him then? Now we realise that Tim pretty much just hates all homosexuals right now.

Someone famous named Mrs Zimmer turns up at Lather, the salon where Shane works, wanting to see Shane personally. Apparently Harry's contacts are coming through already. Shane's boss knows her and starts almost hyperventilating. Shane is hidden in a chair around the corner still half passed out. The boss describes Ellie Zimmer to Shane: she’s a studio boss, friend of Madonna and J-Lo, Hollywood trendsetter, powerful enough to put them all out of business if she doesn't like her hairstyle. Shane's too whacked out to be intimidated. Her attempt at cleaning up consists of standing up and running a hand through her hair. Ellie Zimmer thinks Shane is hot.

Jenny is riding with a couple of teens who look high. The guy – Malcolm - climbs into the back seat with her and opens up a bag of shrooms. At their prodding, Jenny eats not just one but a whole handful.

In the waiting room of the Chinese herbalist’s office a Chinese woman is raving about how the doctor fixed her chronic back problems and is now fixing her boyfriend's back. She asks why Tina is there. Tina reveals she's really hoping the doc can help with her morning sickness. Marcus Allenwood emerges from the doc's office. He is the Chinese woman's boyfriend. Tina immediately says hi and launches in about how she and Bette were going to call him and that the insemination worked, they're having a baby. Marcus thinks its awesome. They hug. The girlfriend absorbs the news slowly.

On the road again. Jenny sober is pretty flaky - Jenny on shrooms is positively freaky. She's thinking of someone and asks the cosmos "are you my heart?" Is it Tim or Marina? Malcolm asks why she's there. Is she running away? Did she commit a crime? She says no. He says she looks like she did something bad. Jenny tells him about Tim, Marina and the affair.

The girl asks if she's a lesbian because she had some friends once who were busted being lesbos after kissing in the fast food joint where they worked. (The weekly tie-in.) Their boss caught them and ratted them out to their parents. The girls were sent away to boarding school and then one of them killed herself.

Jenny is horrified. Malcolm reveals those weren't her friends, it was an after-school special. In any case, the girl insists, the girl killed herself. She's dead, so Jenny should be careful if she thinks she might be a lesbian.

In the Chinese doctor's office Marcus Allenwood's girlfriend throws a hissy fit. She didn't know Marcus was a sperm donor and she seems to think Marcus' sperm aren't his to give. He tells his girlfriend that she's way ahead of herself. Tina steps out of it and goes back to sit down, not able to deal with the woman's illogical outburst. Finally the doctor tells them to take the argument outside. When Marcus and the squealing chick are thrown out, the doctor throws Tina out too, even though she had nothing to do with it.

In the back seat of the car Malcolm, asks Jenny what she's writing. She answers that it's a letter to Tim. She starts to read it to him, it's the same bad poem she's been composing all along. She explains some words to him and he's fascinated. Then he's shocked, why would Jenny offer her boyfriend a pile of sick meat? That's what she's saying isn't she? He asks her to continue on. The next bits about offering Tim her sweetbreads and a variety of meats make her sound like a serial killer.

Tina gets to her car (after a few more slings from the wailing chick) and starts to cry, totally thrown. The insane-o chick threatens that she and Marcus have rights over the baby and that she’ll sue if she has to. Tina immediately tries to call Bette to say something horrible has just happened. She leaves the kind of message that we know is going to freak Bette out when she gets it.

Ellie Zimmer is leaving the studio praising Shane as a hair genius. The boss of the salon is falling over himself with gratitude at Elllie's compliments. Shane just stands there, looking pleased with herself but only slightly less drugged-out than before. Ellie invites Shane to a screening of the new Steven Soderburgh film. Shane says it "sounds kinda beast but thank you." I think that means thanks but no thanks. Ellie hands over a card and says call me. She's still raving about Shane as she walks out the door.

Tina arrives home to find a basket of goodies on the doorstep from Bette. She looks calmer now.

Cut to New York. Bette is at the “Provocations” exhibit. MONA is a really great space. Lots of people are milling around. A montage shows us various art pieces and Bette talking to various people about art. She looks in her element.

Tina is unwrapping the gift basket as she checks the answering machine. Alice called saying Dana and Lara are on their way with food and she will be by later after her "situation”, which is what she calls dinner when she not sure whether it's a date or not. Presumably she's going out with Lisa. Dana called confirming she and Lara will be there with takeout at 7. Shane called and says that Bette called her to say they should still do poker even though she's out of town so she's on her way over. So Shane passed up a film premiere for her friend’s poker night. That seems very sweet.

The rest of the answering machine is filled with nasty messages from the mad Chinese woman, including her saying that it is easy for her to find out where Tina lives. Tina freaks out again and calls Bette, who is of course inside the show and has her mobile switched off.

Randy is at Tim's house listening to the sad story. He says he would have left too if it had been him, but he wouldn't have gone to Tahoe in the first place. Randy's wife Carol is worried about the sickos and serial killers out there who might hurt Jenny. Tim doesn't know what to do, he's pacing back and forth. Carol comes up with the idea that someone should check with Jenny's mother. Tim kicks himself and dials right away.

Tina picks up the phone when it rings hoping it is Bette, but it is the sicko woman again. She slams the phone down. There's a knock at the door. Tina looks around like she's stuck in a haunted house in a horror film. Thankfully Lara and Dana are there.

Lara asks if the crazy woman would really come over. Tina thinks she could be capable of anything. Dana suggests to go around and lock all the doors and windows. Lara comments that she's so smart. Dana says you're the smart one. Lara says no you are. Dana says no you are, you have cooking intelligence. Lara says but you have mind and body intelligence. They start to giggle and kiss. So cute! Tina looks at the them like they're five.

Dana and Lara apologise and head off in separate directions to keep closing windows. Probably a good idea or else they'd be doing it all night.

Tim calls Sandy, Jenny's mother. He doesn't want to alarm her but Jenny is missing... then Jenny's mother breaks in and tells Tim that Jenny is fine and she called an hour ago. Sandy asks if Tim thinks Jenny is insane. He replies that he thinks she knows exactly what she's doing. But they still don't know where she is. Carol says that if she had to guess... Tim gathers his keys and heads for The Planet.

The poker players are assembled. Even Lisa the LIM is there. Shane is telling bad jokes and dealing cards. Dana and Lara snuggle on the floor with beers in hand. Tina looks a lot more relaxed now with people around. Alice asks if the psycho lady is still calling. Tina admits they unplugged the phone. They ante up for the poker game. Dana is still not impressed by Lisa. She just doesn't know what to make of him.

Back at the Provocations exhibit. The story is circulating about Bette's master stroke to secure the exhibit for the CAC. A woman introduces herself to Bette saying she's honoured to meet her and she's so impressed how Bette went up in the faces of the big boys and stole the exhibit from under them. It’s Lisa Gay Hamilton! She may be flirting with Bette, but they cut too soon to really tell.

Kit arrives at the poker game. Shane tells the same bad joke. Kit fawns over Tina for a while and insists that if the crazy lady turns up they all can kick some ass.

Tim is knocking on the door of The Planet. It's closed but we all know Marina works strange hours. He calls out for Jenny, convinced she's there and bangs until Marina opens the door. He pushes his way inside demanding to know where Jenny is, searching around like a madman. Marina tells him he needs to calm down. He's incensed. He asks Marina if she has a conscience, does she even feel bad that she sat at his table and lied to him? Doesn't she know the meaning of honour? How does she feel about getting Jenny to lie to him? Marina replies only that everyone is responsible for their own actions. Her refusal to rise to the bait just gets him angrier.

Tim calls her pathetic and she starts to laugh. He asks if what women do together even counts anyway? She replies that he was there, he saw how much it counts. He's at boiling point. She walks forward into him and tells him that he needs to leave. Her contact triggers violence in him and he grabs her, trying to exert physical power where anger and verbal power had no effect. She stands her ground and asks what were all thinking – what is he trying to prove? Finally, when it's obvious he's getting nowhere, he shoves her away and stalks out.

Back at the poker game while Lisa is in the other room Dana makes fun of Lisa and Alice's budding relationship. She asks if Alice should call herself trisexual. Lara is confused and we go through the lesbian man explanation again. Tina just wants to know is Alice attracted to him as a lesbian or as a man? Dana asks Shane if he pees standing up or sitting down. Shane replies that she’s never peed with him, so how would she know?

As Lisa walks back in Kit admonishes them all and raises the point that if Lisa wants to give up his white man rights and become a second class citizen, who are they to judge him? Even Dana has to admit she has a point. They all welcome Lisa into the fold. Shane welcomes him to the heavenly gates. Go Shane!

Bette is trying to catch a cab back to her hotel after the Provocations exhibit. She finally turns on her mobile phone and gets Tina's messages. After just hearing the first message Bette tries to call the home phone. There's no answer and the message bank is full. She tries to call Kit and gets Roger who doesn't know what the emergency is. She finds out how long ago Tina called.

At Tina's place there's a serious slumber party going on. Everyone has crashed on various mattresses, couches, whatever. They're all asleep except Lara and Dana who both claim they can’t sleep. Lara looks around and then starts to seduce Dana. Dana is horrified – they’re in a room full of people! Asleep or not, that's just funny. Dana says don't, stop, we can't. Lara asks who says they can't and keeps going. Dana keeps looking around at first to see if everyone is actually asleep, but then after a few seconds Lara manages to capture her full attention.

Alice wakes up first and hears the heavy breathing. She looks over and settles in to enjoy the show. Shane's awake and looking bemused. She catches a bit of the show and lies back down. Lara and Dana having stealthy sex is actually really hot. Lara admits she finds it sexy to be doing it in the middle of a room full of people. Dana insists on being quiet, but doesn't say no. Kit is awake now and trying to stop herself from laughing. It gets intense. Even Alice is embarrassed and hides her face in the pillow. Finally Kit clears her throat at them and Dana panics, ending it rapidly. Lara cracks up and Dana hides under the blankets, completely embarrassed. Damn!

Jenny is driving the shroom mobile. It's late and she's having trouble staying awake at the wheel. The GPS tells her she's lost and going the wrong way but the girl beside her tells her to ignore it. Malcolm says that he wishes he were Tim. Tim is such a lucky guy, getting all those gifts from Jenny (we are still talking about her eviscerated heart and bleeding internal organs here).

Bette is in a taxi in New York. It’s the middle of the night. She calls Peggy Peabody (expecting to get a machine and not the real woman) and is apologetic when she wakes her up. She cancels the rest of her stay in New York to travel back to LA. There's been an emergency with Tina and the baby and she needs to head home. Peggy tries to convince Bette to stay, there were so many important people Bette needs to meet. But Bette insists she needs to fly out immediately. She's still trying to call home and still getting the full machine.

Everyone is asleep on the floor at Tina's when there's a knock on the door. Someone comments that it could be the crazy woman. It's not, it's Marcus come to apologise for the behaviour of his girlfriend. He's managed to get the bitch to calm down and he's made her promise not to call Tina again. Tina is looking out the door as if she expects to be physically attacked any second. He says he tried to call but the voice mailbox was full. Tina slaps her forehead - you have to wonder if she's even thought about Bette yet. Marcus leaves and Tina feels relieved. Just that moment as she closes the door she realises that the phone is still unplugged.

Tina goes through the mailbox, surprised Bette didn't call and erasing all the crazy woman's messages. She tries to call Bette, but of course Bette is in transit. Kit tells Tina to call Bette's hotel. The hotel says Bette checked out early that morning. Now Tina is worried.

While they talk about where Bette could be, Bette herself arrives in the doorway. She made very good time getting home from New York. Bette's almost crying with worry and grief. We're left to wonder what kind of catastrophic scenarios she's made up in her mind over the past hours on the plane home. She hasn't slept all night and looks exhausted.

She asks what the hell happened. Tina's tickled pink that Bette flew home just because she couldn't reach her, but now Bette's wondering if she didn't make a huge professional blunder for no good reason. Tina tries to explain, but it doesn't sound as urgent now as it did then. Tina thinks maybe her hormones are making her think things are bigger and more unmanageable than they really are.

Shane asks how New York was. Bette smiles for the first time. She says it seems all of New York knew the story of how she got Provocations. She was kind of a star. Of course, now she's not going to be at a dinner in her honour and she was cultivating a major donor to be on her board of directors. Bette swallows her frustration and tells Tina that she’s just relieved everything is OK, that's the most important thing. Deep down we know she's angry, and will probably stew on this for a while.

Tim sits alone in his kitchen, wearing the same clothes from the day before. He probably hasn't slept at all, again.

The black 4WD drops Jenny off on a street corner and drives away. She waves goodbye to the shroom people. She's back in LA. She mails the crazy letter to Tim. The end of the letter says that whatever happens it will be on her, on her heart. As Marina says - everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions. Even Jenny. It's a relief after she's spent so much time in a child-like denial. She sits on the concrete next to the mailbox and contemplates her next move.

<fade to black>

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