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:: M E D I A  B L E N D E R ::
By Tracy E. Gilchrist 
Gay Wired

How many The View co-hosts does it take to embarrass the crap out of themselves before Cybill Shepherd, Jennifer Beals and millions of hapless housewives? Can the L Word's Daniella Sea identify the STD's now that she's canoodling with Paris Hilton? Did Michelle Rodriguez drop the soap serving 10-percent of her jail sentence, and if they announce the Golden Globes winners including gay gal faves, Glenn Close, Tina Fey and Queen Latifah and there's nobody there to accept, do they even count?

Once a pioneering woman in journalism, it's time for Barbara Walters to hang up her old lady pumps. That's right, the Lady of the Lisp has assembled a quorum of idiots for her anti-feminist gab-fest The View, that make WWF roid heads look like Mensa members. If blinded by Jesus, doesn't know if the world is round or flat but believes the Christians were on the planet before the Jews, Sherri Shepherd wasn't solely contributing to the even more dumbing down of dumbass Americans, little Lezzie—Elisabeth—Hasselbeck is back from her maternity leave churning out another rightwing spawn and adding a heavy dose of ignorant ideology to the show. And it was never more apparent than when the Empress of the Heartbreaking Half Smile / Half Cry, Jennifer Beals, and the coolest cougar on the planet, Cybill Shepherd showed up to promote The L Word.

The seven-minute debacle was like an extended 1950's horror movie trailer, replete with McCarthy era paranoia and ignorance. "Watch as dual horses' asses Sherri and Elisabeth cuddle on the couch together in a sordid attempt to simulate same-sex attraction!" "Cringe as Little Lissy asks the hackeneyed question, 'What's the difference kissing a man or a woman?'—Which, by the way, you know little Lissy likely did at soccer camp, or at least she engaged in a little locker room heavy petting. "Cover your eyes as Whoopi Goldberg attempts to squirm away mortified as if her co-stars are pod people!" "Try to keep your lunch down when Sherri assumes all gay gals are predatory sluts who bed everyone they know and she asks Jennifer and Cybill if their characters will hook up!" The horror, the horror....

To their credit, but it's no surprise that seasoned pros and big-brained hotties, Jennifer and Cybill managed to answer the co-hosts' inane questions. But leave it to carmudgeonly Joy Behar to break it all down pointing out the blatantly obvious when said that all lesbians aren't as beautiful as Cybill or Jennifer. "Aren't there any ugly lesbians?" Joy queried. Yale grad Jennifer deflected by answering, that she and the cast are privvy to two hours of hair and makeup a day, and anyone can look beautiful. To which I must respond, The View cohosts get two hours of hair and makeup and they don't look like the cast of The L Word. Does that mean they're a wild pack of lesbos? Small wonder Big Rosie O'Donnell couldn't run away fast enough.

Really though, Joy brought up a point that's haunted The L Word since it premiered. Sapphic sisters nationwide bemoaned the fact that the L Word ladies don't represent real lesbians, yet somehow, when straight women point that out—like Sherri saying that her gay lady friends look like the UPS driver and not like Jennifer Beals—it's a little tough to swallow. Still, it was worth it for a few minutes of Jennifer in the morning. Next time Jennifer, where something sleeveless. The power of your deltoids will render those halfwits speechless.

Speaking of the L Word, for the second week in a row, Princess Paris Hilton—sporting a tres Gwen Stefani coiffure—has been spotted out getting mighty cozy with Daniella Sea, to which there are a few responses. First WTF Daniella?

Aren't you still with your hot Bitch and by Bitch, I mean your girlfriend Bitch, the kick-ass singer songwriter? Have you been playing Max for so long that the glue from your soul patch has gone straight to your head and you're starting to act like a thick-headed straight guy with a woody?

At West Hollywood's Sunday night L Word hotspot, Falcon, Paris, Daniella and a bunch of no-talent hangers on were crowded into a booth eating, drinking and making general asses of themselves. Of all the L Word ladies to get caught up in the Hollywood machine, young Daniella seemed least likely. Maybe it's a publicity stunt. Last week, Kate Moennig was spotted in close contact with prison matron Paris. Let's hope Kate didn't have to skip Falcon this week just to fill her Valtrex prescription.

Also spotted at Falcon drawing crowds and watching their creation being born before 500 screaming lezzies were Ilene Chaiken, Angela Robinson, the stunning Malaya Rivera Drew—who plays Jenny's assistant—and Cybill's real-life and small screen daughter, Clementine Ford.

The L Word Online has been designed by Oz and Slicey.  Unique images designed by Oz.  Site maintained by Oz & Slicey.  This website is intended to be fun and informative, and was created with respect to show appreciation for the women and men involved in the creation of TV's first real lesbian drama.  This site is not endorsed, sponsored, or affiliated with Showtime Networks Inc., the television series "The L Word," or any person involved in the making of the show.  No copyright infringement is intended.  Images and other borrowed content are copyright their respective owners.  Credit is given where due.  All original content is the sole property of  the creators of The L Word Online copyright October 2003.