Episode 8 – Lapse in Judgement Recap

Whoa, everybody. This episode was…a lot. Just…emotionally. Physically. Sexually. I felt things…in my body.
I felt hot. I felt cold. I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I laughed. I cried. I felt pain. I felt joy. I suffered. I gained. I lost…I’m gonna stop. 

This is my last recap for who knows how long!!! Are you going to miss me? Here we go:

It’s election night! News reporters and Bette Porter fans are gathered at Dana’s, sipping fancy cocktails and waiting for election results.
Bette Porter walks into the room and everyone freaks out. I would freak out too. 

An attractive reporter asks Bette if she’s “taking this last minute ascent as a good sign,”. Bette reminds the reporter that polls mean nothing and says that she’s “cautiously optimistic.” Bette starts to walk away but the reporter grabs her arm. Bette gives the reporter a once-over. She’s like, ready to fight. The reporter just wants to say– “off the record”– that Bette has to admit this is a little exciting. Bette goes, “I have to admit absolutely nothing”. And then she walks away. Hot. Everything Bette does. Just…hot. 

Look! A butch lesbian!

Amazing. 

Shane and Alice are at the bar, trying to find a Tinder match for Alice, who “went from one girlfriend…to two girlfriends…to no girlfriends”. Shane finds a cute girl for Alice, and then Alice is like, Shane, every one of her pictures is with a parakeet. A bird lesbian. No, Alice! Don’t date a bird lesbian!

Shane tells Alice to check out the woman at her 12 o’clock, but Alice doesn’t know where her 12 o’clock is. I love Shane the wingman.
Alice continues to contemplate Bird Lady’s tinder bio.

Alice: What do you think of her?
Dani: I dated her. The birds were a whole thing. 

AHAHAHAAHAHA. I’m CACKLING. 

Then Dani resumes staring at Bette Porter. Her new favorite pastime. 

“I got the juice! I got the juice!”–  We’re switching up the intro song now. I dig it. I still miss the girls in tight dresses who drag with mustaches, but I’m coming around.

Sophie walks into the bar and Bartender Finley is staring at her like:

Dani finds Sophie to say, you look SoOOOoo beautiful. The two stare into each other’s eyes.

Sophie does look beautiful, btw. She’s wearing this sleeveless button-down tucked into dress pant cut-offs– ooh.  The best thing about wearing menswear as a woman is that you can combine the best of both worlds. A freshly-ironed button down? Timeless. With no sleeves? Legendary. Slacks? Always hot. But slack cut-offs? Gay-mazing. 

Finley is looking at them from across the bar, like, oh, hey Sophie, are you forgetting that we MADE OUT with our MOUTHS?!?!

Sophie and Dani are the happy couple for like 30 seconds until Dani gets a notification about “losing the 13th” and disappears. 

Then Finley pops up and says, can I talk to you? And escorts Sophie outside.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD.

Finley says “Hi, Boss” to Alice at the bar, who is all slumpy and seems like she’d be down to chat, but Finley is off to have a potentially life-ruining conversation with Sophie, so she ducks out. Alice talks to Angie instead. 

Alice: Your mom is so great, right?
Angie: Yeah, yeah…when did you lose your virginity?

Alice doesn’t jump to answer the question, so Angie innocently suggests that she ask Shane instead. I’m pretty sure Shane lost her virginity when she was 12 and then became a hooker. Alice is like, no, no, no, I’ll tell you! Alice’s virginity story is juicy too. She lost her virginity at 17 to an actor who was playing her mom’s son in a “movie of the week”. Rad. 

Finley and Sophie sit on a curb outside to talk. Sophie looks amazing. She’s got these shiny patent oxford platforms that pair perfectly with her menswear+scissors aesthetic. Finley looks sexy as always in her tropical button-down. Her white converse are dirty, which confuses me. Why pair a seventy-dollar button-down with dirty sneakers? Whatever. I can forgive her. Jacqueline Toboni would look hot in a paper bag. 

Sophie: Oh, we’re going to talk about this? I definitely thought we weren’t going to talk about this.
Finley: Yeah, no, I know, no. But also yes. 

So did I! Look at Finley, being all mature and communicative! 

Finley is really worried that what happened between her and Sophie is going to mess up her relationship with Dani. She says they can “select-all, delete” the whole thing. At this, Sophie’s face falls a little bit. Does Sophie want to “select-all, delete” the whole thing?

Maybe not! I mean, it was definitely her idea to kiss Finley. She hasn’t had a chance to explain what that means yet. Finley’s just jumping to conclusions– it was a mistake, it meant nothing, they should pretend it never happened. 

Sophie is so smiley whenever she talks to Finley. It’s just…gah. It’s SO cute. 

—

Quiara is at the hospital, and she’s bleeding. Uh oh. We know what this means. Shane marches in and yells at the receptionist to get her in to see a doctor faster. 

Dani is obsessing over this chart-thing which she’s using to chart the regions of Los Angeles as the votes come in. 

And guess who’s here!! 

The soft butch lesbian from episode 1!! 

OMG!! She even has a few lines!! 

Will she get a name? WHAT IS HER NAME?!

Dani and Bette disappear into a back room to obsessively hit “refresh” on the registrar page. It’s Bette, the super-hot power-top WOC lesbian who gives inspirational speeches and wants to save Los Angeles from the opiate crisis…versus Milner, an ugly old white guy with a pony who wants to increase spending on charter schools. Who wins?

Milner, of course. 

Yooooo. This is so sad. I literally screamed at the television. 

Bette is crushed. Dani is crushed. The first thing I think of is the fact that, like, this means Dani is out of a job. Literally! She can’t keep assisting Bette in her political career, since Bette’s political career is presumably over. She spent all this time being so wrapped up in her work at the expense of her relationship with her fiance. And…now what? What will jobless Dani be like? Will things change with Sophie? Will she be just as obsessed with her next career? I can’t wait to find out. 

Bette re-ties her blouse’s knot and knots the belt of her blazer. As a result, she looks like she’s wearing an entirely different outfit. Magic. She wipes away her tears and walks out. 

Quiara is lying in bed, looking super depressed. Shane asks her if she wants tea. I’m guessing that Baby Quiarane is no más. I am sad. 

—

It’s morning at Dani’s House of Gay and Dani’s sideboob is a thing of legend. Nobody should look this good without a bra on! It’s just not fair!
Sophie is surprised that Dani is still home. Well, yeah. Dani’s unemployed. 

Sophie: You’re still home!
Dani: Let’s go to Hawaii and get married.

Well. That escalated quickly. 

It definitely makes sense for Dani to take dramatic action in this moment. I mean, what are her options? Lay in bed all day being depressed over her months of hard work going down the toilet? Apply for jobs that will likely pay less than it did to work for Daddy? I’d be spiraling if I were her. So it totally makes sense that she wants to do something spontaneous, like fly to Hawaii and marry her hot girlfriend. But also, she and Sophie have not been doing so well lately. Hasn’t she noticed that? They mostly fight.

Sophie’s like, fly to Hawaii? Get married? You trippin, boo. Dani says, why not? And Sophie’s like, I can think of a few reasons. 

Oh, good. Are they going to go over those reasons? Nope. But I will.

1. 1. 1. Dani and Sophie literally never get along unless they’re fucking or naked-canoodling in the bathtub
      2. Dani is career-oriented and Sophie is family-oriented
      3. Sophie needs constant communication in a relationship, Dani does not
      4. Sophie already cheated on Dani by kissing Finley
      5. Dani is low-key in love with Bette Porter
      6. Dani talks to Bette Porter about her problems, but not Sophie
      7. Dani’s Dad will never accept Sophie as family
      8. Dani ignores Sophie when she’s Hot and Naked in the shower
      9. DID I MENTION SOPHIE KISSED FINLEY?!?!?!

So Dani gets down on her knees.

Dani: Marry me in Hawaii tomorrow plzplzplz
Sophie: K
Me: What?!?!?!

Sophie BARELY consents to Dani’s proposal and then Dani’s all, k, Imma book tickets right now. UGH.

-upbeat contemplative music- 

Bette, Alice, and Shane are at Shane’s. Bette remembers when Tina miscarried 🙁 Aw. 
Alice reassures Shane that she’ll be here for her. Especially since she’s homeless. And possibly, soon-to-be unemployed 🙂

Alice looks amazing, by the way. I love ALL HER OUTFITS but she’s wearing this awesome pattern shirt and a teal blue suit. I love how colorfully she dresses. Shane, on the other hand, is wearing dirty converse. Do lesbians wear dirty converse when they’re sad?
Apparently. I’m taking notes. 
Bette seems to be in a surprisingly good mood. She reveals that Milner made her a job offer, and that he wants her to “spearhead the opioid crisis.” Bette talks about how she went out swinging. She stayed true to herself! She stayed true to her values! She can’t feel bad about losing, because she never once compromised her own dignity!

Alice is like, oh, ya. That’s good, true…

Dun dun dun dunnnn. You know what time it is?? 

Time for Alice to remember WHO SHE IS. AND WHAT SHE DO. She do GAY SHIT. For the GAY PEOPLE. That is her CALLING. She is a GAY LEADER. I am HERE FOR IT. 

Alice marches into work in her candy-man suit and she’s like, LISTEN UP PEASANTS!!! I have something to say!!!
OO, yeah, this is good. What’s she gonna say?

Alice: Listen. I’ve had a fuck-sandwich of a week. 

Okay, so she’s no Bette Porter. 

But she gives an inspiring speech. In sum, she’s like, let’s keep it gay or die trying. My eyelashes will fall off if I cry. You pickin up what I’m puttin down, dykes? Let’s go down swinging. 

Applause ensues. Annoying White Guy pops up out of nowhere, like, not so fast! What about my white male input? Alice tells him to get on board or get the fuck out! Damn, dat is some good shit right there! Alice tells Sophie that she wants Roxane Gay on the show. Sophie’s like, got it, boss. 
Omg!! Roxane Gay? Author of Bad Feminist.  Love her!!! This is so exciting!

Annoying White Guy: Roxane G…can I call her that?
Sophie: Oh. My. God. 

Oh my God. Annoying White Guy’s character is barely even a hyperbolic representation of the disoriented hetero male invading a queer space. You know what’s offensive? When people think saying the word “gay” is offensive. Or when people generally refuse to educate themselves on How to Talk to Gay People even when they are, like, surrounded by gay people on the daily. 

How to Talk to Gay People. Hmm. Maybe I should write that book. 

But anyways, AWG scurries off and Sophie looks all scuffy and annoyed until she makes eye contact with Finley, who is laughing. 

Finley is so cute ohmygod. 

And then she smiles.

And then they look at each other just long enough for me to start screaming at the TV like the baby gay fangirl that I am. 

THE CHEMISTRYYYYYYY. 

I’ve spent the past week eagerly reading Gen Q fans’ impressions of the FinPhie ship on instagram. Some people are not fans! 

I get it. I mean…I do really enjoy the purity of Sophie and Finley’s friendship. There’s nothing better than gay gal pals. We never get to see those types of relationships on the screen and it’s exciting! Like I’ve said before, I want to see characters and relationships on TV that feel real to me. What’s realer than having a gay friend that you’re a little gay for, full-homo?

But. BUT. The chemistry!!!!!!!

Dani has lunch with her Dad at Dani casa. They sip white wine during daylight and eat some sort of dish with chopsticks, because they fancy af. What is the purpose of this meeting, you ask? Ah, yes. To let him know that she’s eloping with Sophie to Hawaii. Whoa, Dani! Nooo! You’re doing it all wrong! Telling your father that you’re eloping with your lesbian lover defeats the whole purpose of eloping with your lesbian lover. Elope first. Explain later. Dani’s Dad finally explains why he hates Sophie so much.

Dani’s Dad: I don’t like Sophie, bc like, she’s not boujee and we’re boujee, you know? Would Sophie know how to choose a white wine that pairs perfectly with sea bass and arroz chino? I don’t think so! 

Yadda, yadda, yadda. I have mixed feelings about Dani’s father. He does seem like he loves Dani and means well. On the one hand, he’s kind of right about a few things. Sophie IS likely to leave Dani when times get hard. Unbeknownst to Dani, Sophie has dealt with recent hard times by cheating on her with her best friend! Which really shouldn’t be that shocking since when Dani and Sophie met, Sophie dropped her then-gf like a hot pocket fresh out the microwave!

He also says, I don’t want you to take a step back. Ugh, I hate that he’s making a little sense. He’s a bigot, for sure! But maybe, in a way, Sophie and Dani’s relationship is a step back for Dani. I mean, she’s so obsessed with Bette because Bette makes her feel inspired. Dani loves to be around people that she can learn from. People who are just as focused and career-driven as she is. Sophie is amazing. But is she going to help Dani grow in the ways that she wants to?

Dani’s Dad reveals that he is “moving ahead with the corporate expansion of Lincoln Heights Jail”. Wow, so…Dani’s Dad invests in drug companies AND prisons. Really. The nerve of this guy to be so snobby. He’s so…sleazy. Somehow, this was made possible by Dani’s Dad “negotiating the terms with Milner months ago”. Dani tells her Dad that that’s FUCKED UP. I don’t totally understand what is happening, but I agree that it seems fucked up. 

Shane is putting Baby Quiarane’s toys in a box. Quiara is like, what are you doing? Shane says she thought Quiara wouldn’t want to be reminded. And then Quiara says, what do you mean? I’m still gonna have a baby. And then she sees Shane’s face. And then she gets pissed. Okay but like…who could blame Shane for being relieved? She never wanted the baby in the first place. And Quiara has the nerve to say, you should have been honest! Shane shouts, I was honest! I shout, she was honest! Quiara traps Shane by asking her if she wants to try again. Of course Shane doesn’t want to try again! She never wanted to try in the first place!

Then Quiara says, no one is ever going to love you because you’re incapable of loving anyone but yourself. And she throws her wedding ring at Shane. And storms out. 

I’m sorry, WHAT?!?! No one is ever going to love you?! That is evil to the highest degree. Is this a way for her to simultaneously dump Shane and say I never loved you? Calling someone selfish is such a cop-out. Shane isn’t selfish for not wanting a baby. Plenty of people don’t want babies. Also, plenty of people love Shane. Like me. I love Shane. F this Quiara hoe. I’m over it. Is hoe Shane coming back? I hope so. 

Dani is at her crush’s house. AKA Bette Porter. Bette is rounding up the vote for Bette! posters so that they can sit in her garage indefinitely.
Hey, is anyone selling vote for Bette posters on etsy? If not, I should definitely get on that. Who would buy one? 
Dani tells Bette that she’s eloping with Sophie. Oh my god, Dani! Stop telling everyone! Bette is like, oh okay, that’s cool. When you come back you should work for Milner with me 🙂 Then Dani drops a bomb. She reveals that her father has been supporting Milner this whole time and his job offer to Bette is a set-up. He wants to look like he’s doing the right thing…meanwhile, he has connections to Big Pharma. 

Bette’s. Face. In this. Scene. Oh my god. 

I’m not a huge TV watcher, but I’ve learned a surprising amount from the hours I’ve spent rewatching this show and taking screencaps. As I slow the process down, I’m learning that I can really tell which actors have been acting the longest. Jennifer Beals has got to be the actress I’m most impressed with. She just has so many facial expressions. Also, fun fact- it is impossible to catch a screencap of Jennifer Beals looking awkward or funny or ugly. She literally always looks amazing. She has no bad angles. No bad milliseconds. I wonder if this is a reflection of her acting repertoire or if she’s just, you know…fucking flawless. 

All this to say, Bette is a whole different kind of devastated in this scene. You see her face fall and she just looks…lost. Ugh. Heart breaking. 

Sophie runs into Finley at work. <33
Sophie asks Finley if she wants a ride. Finley’s like, sure, let me just drop off this bouquet of flowers in a room that is perfect for having sex in. 

Finley: I want a salted cone.
Sophie: We’re getting married.

OHMYGOD. And then Sophie has to specify. 

Sophie: We’re getting married.
Finley: 😮
Sophie: Me and Dani.

See, it’s never a good sign when you have to specify who you’re getting married to. What if Sophie had said, we’re getting married. Me and you. Would Finley have been down? Would Finley have hopped in the car and driven with Sophie to Las Vegas that night? 

!!!

Finley handles this really well. She starts talking about the coconut drinky-drinks in Hawaii. Sophie is like oh, haha, yeah. And then she shuts the door. 

And then. She shuts. The door. 

!!!

Sophie asks Finley how she really feels. Finley accuses Sophie of being a bad Catholic and recommends that she “shove it all down”. Sophie looks at Finley “like that.” Finley tells Sophie to stop looking at her “like that.” 

Finley keeps looking at Sophie like that. 
Finley asks Sophie, what do you want?

Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmydgod.

Sophie tells Finley that she can feel her heart racing. And that Finley smells so good. And then she starts taking off Finley’s shirt. Oh my godddddd.

And then Sophie pulls off her top. Full boobs, just…out. Finley is smiling. Sophie throws Finley down on the couch. Finley starts laughing. Sophie is all, why are you laughing at me? Sophie starts kissing down Finley’s legs, as if she’s going to go down on Finley, but she doesn’t. She reaches up to kiss Finley and says, help me. It’s a lot, this. 

Who’s the top?!?!?!

I ask my friend Nicki about this as we’re both watching the scene and screaming. She says Finley is the top, which is why she started laughing when Sophie threw her down on the couch. Makes sense. 

SO HOT. 

Sophie sits on Finley’s lap and hugs her. She buries herself into Finley’s neck and says, this feels too good. 

And then they start kissing again and Sophie starts grinding on Finley. And making O faces. Oh my god. As I have mentioned before, this pair makes me feel things in my nether regions. I pray to the Lesbian Gods that the future holds more detailed sex scenes with these two. 

lol.

José takes Micah to his art show and is nervous to show him a painting. And the painting is of Micah! OMG!! At first I’m worried that Micah is going to freak, but Jose is just smiling hopefully and then Micah turns to him and says, I love you. 

Aw!!!

And then Micah starts chatting with a guy at the art show and finds out that he’s Jose’s husband. Um. WHAT?!?!?!?!

—

Sophie quietly cries in bed next to her fiance. Dani hugs her and says, don’t be scared, I love you, I’ll always be here for you, blah blah blah. This definitely does not help. 

Finley shows up at Rebecca’s all panicked and starts telling her about how she slept with Sophie. Rebecca is pissed. She yells at Finley for randomly showing up at her house in the middle of the night. Finley is like, I know, I’m sorry, I hurt you, I hurt everyone, I’m not a good person! And then Rebecca calms down a bit and gives Finley some advice. She says that Finley should take responsibility for her actions and face her shame. 

Then Rebecca is like, k bye, I got someone I’m fuckin’ inside. 

Finley returns the bike that she stole to that girl she hooked up with in episode 1 with a note that says “Sorry I stole your bike!” 🙂 I’m less alarmed by the fact that Finley stole the bike and more alarmed by the fact that she’s been riding around LA on it all this time. Like, what?! Also, what happened to her car? Did she just leave it there? That’s even worse than stealing a bike, ‘cuz that towing shit’s expensive. 

Angie gets home and finds Bette depression-napping on the couch. Imagine finding Bette Porter depression-napping. Shit would be devastating. Bette is like a robot. Always wired. Always working. Angie is soooo sweet. She tells Bette to get dressed and meet her by the door. Aw!! What a good daughter!! And then they go hiking. Angie reveals that she comes to this spot when she’s sad about Kit or Mama T. She says she always hoped that T and B would get back together.

BIG SAD FACE. POOR BABY ANGIE. 🙁

Angie reminds B that she never lets herself be sad. Even after T left, even after Kit died…Bette just keeps going. 

Shout out to Bette’s Patagonia Daddy aesthetic. 

And then Bette tells Angie about the one time she went on a silent retreat. Yes! I remember that part! Bette tried not talking for a few days and then fled for the hills and screamed like a wild animal. It was fantastic. Bette asks Angie if she wants to scream. And then the two of them scream, together. Beautiful. 

Sophie approaches Finley. She says, hey, um I’m sorry, but…Finley interrupts her.
What was she going to say?!?!?!?!
Finley says, I’m going home. She says she’s coming back, but her parting words are also, I’ll catch you on the flipside, buddy, so I’m thinking Finley is planning to never return. Finley starts up the stairs and Sophie almost comes after her, but then she’s interrupted by AWG and has to go back to work. 

Noooooo. Noooooooooo!!!!

Bette gives Angie the World’s Best Sex talk and then Bette runs into Maya the Hot Reporter, who asks Bette if she would like to go to dinner…off the record 😉

Is it just me, or does Maya the Hot Reporter look a lot like Felicity?

Angie teases Bette about Maya as they walk away. Watching this scene filled me with joy. It felt like…eating a plate of french toast. Or getting a hug. Bette and Angie might have the cutest mother-daughter relationship in cinematic history. I “awww!”ed harder than I have ever awwed before. 

Roxane Gay is on the Alips show!!! They’re talking about heteronormativity!! They’re talking about queer culture! They’re talking about…Alice still being in love with Nat? 

And then Nat pops up! And confesses her love to Alice! On television! And it’s so cute!

What happened to Gigi, though?

Sad music montage time!

Jose is pounding on Micah’s door, and Micah is just chillin on the couch not giving a fuck.
–
Shane adopts a stray dog on the street.
–
Bette is showing up to her date with Maya the Hot Reporter. 
–
Angie and Jordi are listening to music and giggling and being innocent and adorable.
–
Nat and Alips are makin’ out.

Finley is at the airport.

 Dani is at the airport. 

Sophie is at the airport.

!!!

Sophie looks at the departing flights. The flight for Honolulu leaves at 9:15. The flight for Kansas City leaves at 9:05.

Finley is boarding. 

Dani is sitting at the gate as the last call for boarding is being called. 

Sophie is running through the airport! Finley is looking around her. Dani is looking around her. Sophie is running!

And she makes it! Just in time! To shout out Finley’s name as she’s about to step onto the plane! She runs towards her. Finley’s face lights up in surprise! What are you doing, buddy?, she says. And Sophie replies, I don’t want to go to Hawaii. And then they make out right there in the airport terminal.

Just kidding. None of that happens. The episode ends with Sophie arriving at her unknown destination and smiling at…someone. Or something. We knew this was going to happen. Showtime is going to make us wait God-only-knows how long for a resolution. 

I have unfortunate theories. I believe Sophie ran to Dani for a few reasons. First of all, Dani’s flight boarded at 8:45. Finley’s boarded at 8:35. If Dani’s flight was calling for the final boarding call, it would be at least 9:05, and Finley’s flight would have departed already. Unless, of course, Finley’s flight was delayed. 

Secondly, when the episode ends, Sophie is standing in the middle of the hall and smiling. We saw Finley in line to board already. If Sophie had been running to Finley, she probably would have had to run all the way up to the boarding gate. If she had been running to Dani, it would make more sense for her to stop in the middle of the hall and smile since Dani was sitting in the boarding area and looking for her. 

Also, I’m psycho enough to pause and zoom on all the signs, and right before Sophie stops, the sign behind her appears to read 401-410 pointing in the opposite direction. I could be wrong, because I’m kinda blind. But yeah, if that’s the case and Sophie’s location was shot intentionally, she would have to be running to Dani because Finley is at Gate 200-something and Dani is at gate 412. 

So yeah, I’m off to sob relentlessly. 

Either way, we probably won’t get a dramatic airport scene, which is a bummer. I can’t picture them starting off season 2 back in the airport. I feel like Sophie will be married to Dani, or broken up with Dani and single, with Finley back in Missouri. In which case, she’ll start dating someone else and Finley will show up halfway through season 2 to wreck her next relationship 🙂

We still don’t know when season 2 premieres, but until then, peace! Try not to miss me too much and tell me what you think! Are you team Sophie and Dani or Team FinPhie?

Waiting for Season 2, like…