Episode 7 – Light Recap

This episode was 52 minutes and 15 seconds of PURE, UNADULTERATED JOY. The kind of tension-free joy that WE DESERVE after all the heartache and anxiety. God. I loved it.

I’ve been getting really sad about the fact that this season is probably coming to an end soon, especially since it has truly been getting better and better with every episode. I’ve been trying to savor the moment and I’ve been attending my local bar’s viewing parties (even though by the time those come around I’ve already seen the episode three times). I’ve also been binge-listening to a lot of L-Word-related podcasts before they become reminders that I have to wait another year for the next season. Like Drinks at Dana’s– I love the commentary and recaps. Also, Pants, which is Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig’s podcast. It’s honestly incredibly entertaining. I love their friendship dynamic and I’m enthralled by the behind-the-scenes stories about the original show.

Starting out, we have the most realistic lesbian sex scene I’ve ever seen, which is a montage of Finley and Sophie going at it constantly without breaking for food or water. AS ONE DOES.

Next up we have Alice and Bette brunching. Alice is talking about Tom, and I’m expecting Bette to say ew or something but instead she tells Alice she’s happy for her. Good for Bette!

Alice asks about Gigi, and Bette says she’s probably playing head games with someone else. This seems really unfair, because when did Gigi ever play head games with Bette? Ugh!

Then Alice and Bette are both shocked to see two lesbians at the cafe they frequent for the express purpose of running into other lesbians. And naturally, these two lesbians are the last on the list of preferred lesbians to run into. Gigi and Nat! Bette and Alice are shocked to see these two together! I’m not, because they have kids. But I do appreciate Bette saying, That is so gay, because yes, brunch with your ex is gay.

Alice contemplates the fact that Nat and Gigi constitute one giant ex, because Nat is Alice’s ex and Gigi is Bette’s ex and actually, Gigi is Alice’s ex too…yes, this is very gay.

And I contemplate the fact that the bizarre incestuous TV drama love hexagons that I balk at on common TV dramas don’t make me roll my eyes when the plotline involves lesbians. We’re all exes here. Yawn. Realism. I can’t believe more people don’t want to write shows about us because honestly? The drama writes itself.

Alice: You’ve changed.

Nat: I’m a top now.

Alice goes to say hi to Nat to be nice, which somehow leads to them having car sex in BROAD DAYLIGHT with Alice’s head popping OUT OF THE CAR. This is only a slight improvement on Nat’s most recent public sex proposition, which was the carpool line at the kids’ school.

It would appear that Alice is the one being screwed over in this situation, with gracious comments towards Nat’s new moves, and I am peering at the screen trying to deduce what those could be from my prim and proper waist-up view. 

Shane is driving Tess to AA and discussing a big ol’ poker party with a 1k buy in and a 10% donation to the MS society. Shane is looking at Tess like she’s a buttercream cupcake and…driving her places? Okayyy.

So let’s think about what we have here with Shane and Tess.

Grand gestures? Check. Gay that drives? Check. Gay that doesn’t drive? Check. This gay relationship has everything that a gay relationship has. Except for sex. Been there!

At AA, Shane spots Carrie which she seems to find SUSPICIOUS. Mind your business, Shane!

Angie and Jordi have a typical date night in Jordi’s room, which means that Angie is only talking about her deep, dark, troubling life drama, and Jordi is only talking about prom. You could interpret this two ways:

1 – Jordi is being a normal teenager who wants to talk about normal teenager things. Angie has a lot on her plate right now and it’s too much to handle.
2 – Angie is going through a lot of stuff right now and Jordi should be listening and giving advice instead of trying to change the topic constantly.

I have no opinion. This may be because in the current season, I’m not really attached to the two as a couple because I am beginning to realize they don’t act like a couple. I’m all for storylines that don’t sexualize the hell out of highschoolers and high school relationships, but I don’t even think I’ve seen this couple kiss since season 1. Jordi is supposed to be Angie’s girlfriend, right? But when she leaves, she just grabs her backpack and says see ya! Then heads out. Wow. I’ve never in my life said goodbye to a girlfriend like that.

Pippa Pascal casually drops by Bette Porter’s office. She says no to water and coffee and has the posture of someone who might leave at any minute despite the fact that she drove an hour to get there. It is finally time for Bette Porter to propose a REAL opportunity for Pippa Pascal to show her work which is somehow different from what she did before.

I have mixed feelings about Pippa’s artsy wardrobe but I think this is my favorite outfit yet. She looks more dressed up than usual and I like the layers of gold jewellery. I pretty much love all of Bette’s outfits and her striped black/emerald green top in this scene is stunning.

Bette does deliver a big offer: she has already pitched the idea of centering Pippa’s work in a group show of artists of color whose work addresses BLM. And they said yes. Pippa expresses a lot of hesitation. She put her soul on the line at the beginning of her career and the rejection was hard to recover from. Bette is ready to make grandiose and sweeping promises to Pippa: what happened in the past won’t happen again. Bette says she’ll protect Pippa.

Pippa has a lot on her side right now: the person with the most power to change her career is conveniently deeply infatuated with her AND her work. I do get a little anxious with the promises Bette is making Pippa in this scene. What is Bette vowing to protect Pippa from, exactly? Is she making promises she can keep?

Bette says Pippa’s work is reckoning with her own queerness and blackness in ways that [Bette] has barely begun to unpack for herself. Now I’m really curious about what parts of Bette’s queerness and blackness haven’t been unpacked? Are we going to unpack those later? I’m not being sarcastic, I’m just curious. I’m also curious if Pippa’s queerness is something that’s been publicly addressed or if Bette just figured it out because she’s an art genius. I’m thrilled that Pippa is queer because it hasn’t been mentioned yet. I thought maybe Pippa was closeted/straight and Bette was going to turn her out like she did with Tina.

Pippa says she does it all for her son. Now we know Pippa actually does check out with Bette Porter’s checklist:

1 – Has kids
2 – Isn’t married
3 – Isn’t straight
4 – Has a career she’s passionate about

BOOM!

Gigi also fit the checklist, but whateverrrrr! I’m over it!

Okay, I’m not over it, but I’ll get over it some day.

Pippa agrees to Bette’s proposition. Bette is thrilled and gushing to someone on the phone about it…and then she gets a call on her cell phone from Carrie. Carrie? Why would Carrie be calling Bette?

We’re on at the Alips show! Yes! Finally! And we’re about to see a special segment from the one and only Sophie Suarez. Sophie is anxiously hiding out in the green room when Finley busts in in her little referee outfit and announces that “everything is wet”. Ah.

Finley tries to convince Sophie to get out there and experience the live audience viewing of her first-ever Alips segment, but at the same time Finley is ripping all her clothes off? I’m confused as to where this is going? I didn’t see that lil backpack. Does Finley have an extra outfit at the Alips studio? Is there a shower in the green room? Now they’re making out. I don’t think they’re going to make it out of here.

God, I love Alice as a talk show host. First: the silky coral blazer and wide-leg pink pants? Amazing. Second: stay gay and say no to patchouli. That’s my new motto. Legendary.

An old white man named Barry loved Sophie’s segment! And he wants to congratulate her personally! Alice is all too happy to lead him to the green room, where Sophie is…engaged in coitus.

Alice: They’re naked.
Barry: …
Alice: Emotionally.
Nice save, Alice.

Gigi and Dani are eating food truck food and catching up on the hot gossip. The hot gossip is that Gigi caught Nat and Alice going at it in the car, with, again, Alice’s head popping out of the sunroof. Gigi utilized every fibre of her being in the good fight to not knock on the car window and fuck with Alice. What is this, character development?

Gigi asks Dani if she wants to talk about the other night. Dani thought it was shitty of Gigi to hit on her when she was so vulnerable emotionally and she needed a friend. Ouch! Okay, yeah, I guess Dani does really need a friend, though. Especially since she’s been going through the worst time of her life and all her friends are kinda…team Sophie/Finley.

Also, Dani is concerned about Bette’s feelings, since, at the time of Gigi’s love confession, Bette and Gigi had only been broken up for an hour.

Gigi explains that Bette didn’t have very strong feelings for her! That’s the understatement of the year. Dani says she finds that hard to believe. Okay, that’s adorable. So if Dani doesn’t want anything romantic with Gigi right now, she at least acknowledges that Gigi is the Sugar Honey Iced Tea.

Little does Dani know, the problem is not so much Bette’s feelings about the situation (definitely nonexistent) but more so Gigi’s turnaround time after the breakup. Is Dani the rebound? I think the stereotype about rebound relationships is that they don’t work out. Although I firmly believe that queer relationships run by different rules. Moving in on week 2 as a straight couple? Red flag. Moving in on week 2 as a lesbian couple? Standard. You both do dishes. You both like macrame. It’s fine.

Gigi suggests Dani talk to Bette to confirm Gigi’s allegations. This is a very good idea. Bette is willing to tell anyone who will listen that she does not have any feelings for Gigi.

Alice: Why are you always fucking in the green room?

Finley: I thought that’s what it was for? There’s a shower in here. And extra clothes.

Alice yells at Sophie and Finley for fornicating in the green room during the show. Finley is wearing the same outfit she ripped off earlier, which means ha! Finley didn’t intend to change clothes. Finley intended…to have sex with Sophie in the green room? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Finley explains to Alice that the location of the green room makes it excellent for sexual adventures. Alice doesn’t understand, but maybe that’s because Alice finds parked cars perfectly acceptable locations for sex. Preferably on crowded streets. In downtown LA. In broad daylight. Bonus points if they have sunroofs for Alice to pop her head out of.

Angie is discussing her hang out sesh with Jordi with her step sister. She notes that Kayla offers reasonable follow-up questions and advice, which is exactly what Angie wanted Jordi to do.

Again, you could interpret this two ways…

1 – Kayla offers encouragement and advice because, unlike Jordi, she’s actually involved in this particular situation, or
2 – Kayla offers encouragement and advice because that’s the normal thing to do, and Jordi’s reactions (or lack thereof) to Angie’s conversation topics show indifference. Or immaturity. Or both.

When you’re young, you think your significant other is supposed to be your EVERYTHING. But it’s hard to put everything on just one person. Maybe especially when you’re young. I don’t see Jordi pouring her heart out to Angie every other day, which could be a difference in love languages/communication styles. Or, maybe Jordi’s just not ready for that yet and Angie needs to read the room? In any case, Angie asks Kayla for breakup advice so it seems like she’s ready to move on. 

Sophie and Finley arrive home hungry from all the clocked-in shenanigans and Sophie wants to know if Finley can cook? Or like…take care of herself in general?

I’m always pleased when Finley makes the push to defend herself and hit the nail on the head with a decent comeback, and this conversation does not disappoint. She points out that a) she’s not a kid, b) she doesn’t deserve to be compared to Dani, and c) her parents kicked her out when she was 18, so her and Dani’s circumstances are different.

Yes! Finally! Let’s talk about that. I know Dani is all sexy and mature and accomplished, but it’s good to remember that Dani’s level of having-her-shit-together wouldn’t be possible without privilege. Who is responsible for Dani having an education? Dani’s dad, probably. Who is responsible for Dani having a great career? Dani’s dad, probably. Who is responsible for Dani having an apartment? Dani’s dad. And who is responsible for Dani having a (I’m gonna make an assumption here) relatively non traumatic queer coming-out experience? Dani’s dad probably. Finley doesn’t talk often about her religious trauma or unsupportive family, but there are so many barriers that queer people face in the process of growing up and finding professional / personal / relational success, and I love that her character represents that. She handles Sophie’s condescension gracefully. And then initiates sex. Beautiful. Who needs food?

But let’s not forget, we learned a lot from this short-lived verbal conversation. Namely, Finley:

a) wants to be a professional kids’ soccer ref (is that a thing?)
b) wants a sugar mama (Sophie)
c) wants LOTS of babies (wow!)
d) wants to be Sophie’s stay-at-home baby daddy
e) is also willing to embark upon a more prestigious career field at Sophie’s bidding. Such as…the medical field.
f) or, you know, she could contribute to the medical field in other ways. Such as blood donation.

I’m here for Finley’s confidence in Sophie to bring home the bacon now that Sophie is a big fancy producer. And I have total confidence in this couple to communicate and come up with a satisfactory arrangement…as soon as they stop having near-constant sex 🙂

Tess is stressed about tonight and also she wants to move to an island somewhere! Shane wants to move to the mountains in Colorado! Tess points out that this is the exact opposite of an island.

An interesting observation. This wouldn’t matter, of course, unless the two of them were moving together. Is there something we don’t know, Tess? Do you plan to fall in love with Shane and love her forever and ever, or no? I can’t handle the suspense!

Actually, I’m just kidding, I can. Once these two lock lips it’s a matter of weeks before they’re moving to an island, or Colorado, or whatever. Moving to a random new city together is lesbian third base.

Finley and Sophie arrive together to the party. Sophie is wearing a killer floral suit. Finley is wearing…flannel?!

Sophie, what’s the point of being in a butch 4 butch relationship if you can’t share clothes with your poor, adorable girlfriend? Actually, scratch that. I know for a fact that Finley owns a purple blazer. Why didn’t she wear that? Or even one of those cute button ups?

But anyways, it’s party time. I’m cuddled up. I have my popcorn. I’m ready for the outfits. I’m ready for the drama. Alice is wearing a baby blue suit with a ribbon tie. Tom is nowhere to be found…but guess who’s around? Nat. Poor Tom.

Shane is wearing a skinny tie, which reminds me that in the past, Shane had the most particular and absurd outfits and I kind of miss those days. But she’s so classy now and that’s nice too.

Nat announces that she’s going to the bathroom with eye contact that suggests that even though they Did It in the car today, and then Did It in a bed today, they’re going to Do It in a bathroom tonight! Fun!

Wait, no! Not fun! Bad! Bad Nat!

Shane is here to check Alice and remind her about Tom (her boyfriend?). Alice and Shane spot Bette’s entrance with the long-awaited Pippa Pascal, and now it’s time for Alice to truly shine.

Pippa: …

Alice: SO NICE TO MEET YOU!!!! Bette is in LOVE with you. You’re all she talks about! 🙂

It’s time for Shane to get back to roasting Alice, this time for her outfit.

Shane: Have you ever seen Dumb and Dumber?

Next runner up for best joke of the episode goes to Alice’s line when Carrie thanks her for paving the way as a lesbian talk show host. She goes…well, there’s Ellen. But after that, I can’t think of anyone!

I like to imagine it was hard for Leisha Hailey to keep a straight face during this scene and they had to take like three takes, because that’s hilarious.

Alice offers fangirl Carrie talk show tickets and a mug. Carrie is thrilled!

This means Tina hasn’t taken Carrie on a date to the Alips show, which is a shame. What’s the point of having famous friends if you can’t shamelessly exploit them to impress your dates?

Speaking of Tina, where is she?

Barry comes up to congratulate Sophie on her segment, which he enjoyed! Even though he’s a straight white man! Groundbreaking. Sophie begins a long-winded and earnest reply which Finley interrupts with a hearty handshake because she has an uncle named Barry! But of course, this Barry is much more handsome 😉 Barry guffaws and blushes, pats Finley on the shoulder, and heads off to buy the pair a round. Sophie gazes at Finley in amazement, realizing for the first time that her boyish lover is a Straight White Man whisperer.

Shane approaches Carrie about her drinking problem, to which Carrie replies that she’s an overeater, not an alcoholic. Well, that’s embarrassing. For Shane, I mean.

Shane tries to abandon ship but Carrie starts talking about Bette Porter. Carrie is intimidated by Shane’s friend group and feels like she hasn’t had the opportunity to make Bette like her. Poor Carrie. Shane manages to avoid commenting on the situation and tells Carrie to give it time. Then she makes a run for it.

Angie is parking her car and practicing her breakup speech for Jordi when she gets a text from Jordi telling her to put on the headphones and rainboots that Jordi LEFT IN HER CAR and then SURPRISES HER WITH A FLASH MOB PROMPOSAL.

On the promposal cuteness scale of 1 to 10 this promposal ranks a NINETY SEVEN MILLION OUT OF TEN. I mean…honestly I’ve never seen a promposal I thought was cute because prom is heteronormative and weird BUT THIS?!?!

Oh my god. They’re dancing in a public fountain with umbrellas. The choreography is impeccable. Also, my mind is blown by the umbrellas that are blank one moment and then suddenly spell out PROM? in the next. How is that possible? Did they switch umbrellas? I didn’t see them switch umbrellas.

Needless to say, Angie does not dump Jordi and agrees to go to prom with her instead. I forgive Jordi for all of her flaws 100% and I am now invested in this relationship.

Carrie asks Bette if she can join her, and Bette declines. Carrie implies that this interaction brings to mind those cool girls who called her a dyke in high school. Bette cheerfully counters with her own trauma tale of being called a n-word dyke at soccer camp. Well, then!

Carrie keeps pushing Bette, and this time she uses the phrase “hang out”. Hang out? Yikes.

Carrie tries to explain that Bette makes her feel like a kid in some kind of trouble. A strange analogy. Bette says, that sounds like your baggage.

Finally, Carrie explains that she wants Bette’s acceptance or blessing. Bette says she doesn’t see why anything more than civility is necessary between the two of them, and furthermore, if Carrie is happy with what she has with Tina, why should she need Bette’s blessing?

Bette’s a total snob who probably wouldn’t be nice to Carrie even if Tina weren’t involved. I hate to admit it, but I’m fine with how Bette handled the situation. Bette’s boundaries are rock solid and she won’t be pressured into a relationship she doesn’t want or need. She was pretty rude about it…but so was Carrie. So game on.

Dani runs into Nat and Alice post-coitus in the bathroom and asks them if they think Bette would have a problem with her dating Gigi.

Nat and Alice are all too enthusiastic to tell Dani she should go for it, in fact, they’d be thrilled if she dated Gigi and Gigi seems to be really into Dani 🙂 I can’t tell if this means Gigi and Nat discussed Gigi’s would-be love life at brunch, or Gigi just seems to be happy since she met Dani.

Dani is wandering around the gala seeming kind of aimless and lonely. God, that’s sad. Why doesn’t she have more friends? Where is Micah? I’m glad Dani is reclaiming her space though, and things should be fine as long as she can avoid Finley and Sophie.

But naturally, Finley decides this is an opportunity to approach Dani (no!) and try to make nice. Ugh, this is my worst nightmare. Now Dani is forced to engage with the last person at the party she wants to talk to.

Finley makes some lame “sorry for ruining your life” attempt and then proceeds to ask Dani for adulting advice.

Finley’s attempted compliment towards Dani’s “having it together” is just insulting to Dani at this point in her life where she most certainly and obviously does not have it together.

Dani snaps back that she’s sick of people thinking that she has it together. In fact, people thinking she has it together is probably the reason she has no support system when her life is falling apart.

Finley deftly offers to hug Dani. Groannnn. She declines.

Dani handled that situation beautifully, but she could have been meaner. Something like, “Don’t ever fucking talk to me again” wouldn’t have been uncalled for in this scenario.

Bette and Pippa have been playing poker and Pippa has lost (presumably thousands) of (presumably Bette’s) money. Bette is thrilled. The eye contact is out of control. They finally lock lips and seconds later Pippa gasps, let’s get out of here.

Nat goes to the bar to get drinks for her and Alice, and strikes up a potentially flirtatious conversation with a butch woman in the process. Alice watches this happen and she can’t handle it. When Nat returns with her drinks, Alice says she doesn’t want to sneak around anymore. Nat says something that implies that she wants to get back together. Alice says it’s not going to happen because nothing has changed. Nat starts to cry and Alice tells her to butch up!

Angie and Jordi are sitting on the park steps and Jordi explains that she was acting weird because she was working so hard on planning this thing for Angie. We finally see a chaste kiss which is a good reminder that yes, they are dating.

Carrie is sloppy drunk and clearly the only option is for Shane to drive her home. Where is Tina? Where is Tina?!

Sophie and Finley are also sloppy drunk. Finley reveals that she talked to Dani and apologized for ruining her life, which Sophie finds hilarious. Okay, I get that she’s drunk, but what is wrong with these people?

Finley explains that she wanted advice from Dani for how to love Sophie better. Sophie says, she doesn’t know how to do that! That’s true. Clearly it didn’t work out with Sophie and Dani…so why would Finley be going to her for advice? That’s just silly.

Sophie explains that she can be herself around Finley, and being yourself is a gift. Sophie loses herself all the time: she loses herself at work. She lost herself with Dani. This is actually a really sweet conversation. Sophie is finally explaining why she loves being with Finley. This is seeming more like something Sophie chose (which it is!) and less like something that just happened (which it is not).

Finley teases Sophie about being drunk, then takes a flask swig and offers to drive. Uh oh. That’s not good.

Dani is having another bad night, no thanks to one of two people who won’t leave her the fuck alone and she shows up at Gigi’s to pound on the door. 

Dani accuses Gigi of having been with everyone she knows.

Come on, that’s not fair! Gigi hasn’t been with:

1 – Sophie
2 – Finley
3 – Micah

…

And I’m sure Dani knows other people. Pretty sure. Does she?!

Dear writers, please give Dani more friends so this relationship feels less sad.

Dani asks Gigi if what they have is real. This is a totally understandable question. Dani’s in a really vulnerable place and she’s taking a big risk here. She doesn’t know Gigi well enough to know if Gigi’s feelings are genuine or if she’s just playing games. Honestly, I don’t know Gigi well enough to know if she’s playing games.

But this happens:

And I love it. Because as we discussed, Dani’s hot, Gigi’s hot, and I want them to make babies. Now Gigi better not fuck with Dani or I will lose my shit.

Gigi asks Dani to come inside and Dani says no. I’m really glad she does. It never hurts to take things slow.

Our favorite mom and dad Tess and Shane are driving Carrie home. Carrie is a drunk 60-year old toddler and it’s either endearing or horrifying. I’m not sure which.

As Shane and Tess help Carrie towards her doorstep, she rambles on about Bette not thinking she’s good enough. And nobody thinking she’s good enough. And the whole gang of TiBette’s hot, mostly femme friends who feel to Carrie like a cool girl clique from hell.

Finally, at the doorstep, Carrie breaks down and says I don’t think I can marry Tina.

And Shane and Tess stare back at her like bewildered goldfish.

Rosie O’Donnell is stunning in this scene, and my heart is really breaking for Carrie.

But I’m really not understanding the drama here. What on earth do Bette and Bette’s friends have to do with Tina and Carrie’s would-be marriage? Tina wasn’t at poker nights. Tina wasn’t at Karaoke night. Tina wasn’t even at the party tonight. From what I can see, Tina seems to not spend a lot of time around Alice and Shane anymore. Why does Carrie care what Bette thinks of her? Why does Carrie care what Bette’s friends think of her? It’s not adding up.

Bette has a 16-year-old daughter at home, which probably makes it awkward to bring chicks back to her place. But no biggie. Bette has a much cooler place to bring chicks. And it’s…an after-hours art gallery.

Bette and Pippa bang on what appears to be a glass floor. This scene is really fucking sexy, but also, I can’t stop thinking about my back problems. Ouch!

Shane and Tess finally make out and someone needs to explain to me why this took so long.

Finley is driving Sophie home, which absolutely should not be happening since she had a lot to drink tonight. To add to the chaos, there’s entirely too much eye contact happening and Finley’s hand ends up in Sophie’s pants. And then Finley gets pulled over by the cops.

I’m freaking out. Sophie is strangely relaxed. She’s worried about the cops being able to tell that they were doing Sexy Time. Uh, Sophie? That should be the last of your concerns.

Being pulled over by the cops as a minority in the car with another minority is already a bad situation, but in this case Finley is actually doing something illegal, so…this won’t end well.

I’m guessing Finley is going to get a DUI at the very least. I just hope she doesn’t have a record or anything.

Until next week!