Episode 3 – Lost Love Recap

Waking up today and remembering that episode 3 had aired was like waking up on Christmas morning. These 5 weeks are going to fly by, and then there will be no more L Word? Forever? I can’t think about that now.

Is anyone else watching Work in Progress? It airs on Showtime right after the L word. The main character is a depressed middle-aged lesbian so I’m pretty much living for it so far. I love any TV show with a LGBT cast, so if you have any recommendations for me, leave them in the comments below?

Okay. Time for the recap. I’m excited!

Episode 3 starts up with Dani, Sophie, Micah, and Neighbor Boy dancing to Latin music. Micah and Neighbor Boy are the only couple on the show that I’m ride-or-die for at this point. Neighbor Boy is sexy as fuck and he clearly has killer dance moves. Plus, I feel like he and Micah just vibe together so well. Micah seems kind of serious, like he’s really smart, caring and fun to talk to but he also needs to loosen up sometimes. And Neighbor Boy just seems like he will bring fun and sexy hip circles into Micah’s life.

In between Dani and Sophie, Sophie seems like the more butch one. Yet, Dani is definitely the more dominant person in the relationship. She proposed, she twirls Sophie on the dancefloor and she gives me bringin’-home-the-bacon vibes. I like that their relationship represents this dynamic. People tend to assume that masculine-presenting lesbians are always the more dominant partner in their relationships, but this isn’t always the case. There are plenty of butch women who aren’t dominant. 

It’s hard to tell who’s supposed to be butch on a TV show because everyone’s always wearing tons of makeup. I really wish there was more butch representation on TV. Out of all the characters on the show so far, I guess I would say that Finley is the most butch because she doesn’t wear a ton of makeup. I think that The L Word has done a fantastic job so far of bringing in a far more diverse cast, but I would really love to see more butch women on the show!

Dani’s Dad leaves her a really sweet voicemail apologizing for his explosion. I like Dani’s father so far. He seems a little hard to please at times, but him and Dani also seem really close, which is sweet. A lot of queer women don’t have good relationships with their parents, so it’s nice to see. 

Finley and girl from the bar are rolling around in bed. There’s a lot of grabbing and moaning and nipples. Yeah! Nipples. Bar Girl tells Finley about how she used to hump her doll when she was little. Gross! I love to hear lesbians talk about the gayest thing they did as a kid, though. I used to make my barbie dolls have lesbian sex. They had mad dyke drama, too.

Girl from the bar says she needs to leave and Finley gets all sexy in bed, stretching her arms up to reveal these ripe full bushes. I am forever in awe of Finley’s impressive pit hair. I love to see women’s body hair on TV. Women have body hair! Get over it, world! Bar girl moans with yearning and lectures Finley for being so damn fine. Then she’s like, I’m off to church!

Wait, what?

So she’s just hopping out of bed after hours of lesbian love-making to go to church? Edgy. 

Hot girl from the bar and her questionable girlfriend walk into work and Shane is there, like, hey, I bought the place. I’m your boss now!

Fuck. Yes.

That is so fucking baller. I’m too stoked for this story line. Is it going to be like the Planet 2.0? 

By the way, what the hell happened to The Planet? We keep seeing the OG babes brunching at some fancy cafe, but it doesn’t entirely resemble the iconic lesbian brunch spot. The Planet was completely central to the show’s plot. This whole idea of there being a populated, well-run, women-owned space that is frequented by queer women is perhaps the most appealing fantasy that the original L Word offers. There are gay neighborhoods and gay districts in every city, yet I think that a lot of queer women crave community spaces that cater specifically to lesbians. We hang out at gay bars and drag shows and coffee shops with locally-sourced vegan options, but we don’t often find ourselves in settings where lesbians are the majority. Not even in queer spaces. 

Alice is heading out for breakfast and she’s like, I better hurry or I’ll have to get my avocado toast to go! Okay. I love Alice, but I have no respect for anybody who orders avocado toast to go. It’s literally just avocado on a piece of toast. Why would you pay someone to make that for you on the road? Go to the grocery store and buy avocado and a bread loaf. Boom. Avocado toast to go. Nat drops a bomb. She’s like, bye Alice, have fun eating expensive toast! By the way, you know I don’t have any friends, right?

I’m sorry, what?

Did we not just find out in the last episode that Alice and Nat have been together for two years? So how do you date someone for two years and not know something like that? This seems like a massive plot hole to me. Also, wouldn’t Alice have introduced her girlfriend to Bette and Shane by now? Alice had a bazillion girlfriends in the show and 100% of them sipped mimosas at the lesbian table with the gay gang. Even Tasha, who was kind of a grump. I’m sorry, but this makes absolutely no sense. 

Nobody: 
Alice: Oh my god, they’re taking too long to make my avocado toast!

Alice dishes about this big reveal at brunch and Shane wanders in with Lena, takes off her shades and she’s looking very Shane today. This scene makes me think I should wear shades more often. Shane looks so cool in shades. Then again, Shane would probably look cool in a polka-dot tutu. We all know that Shane looks cool in everything. It can’t be helped. 

Also, Lena looks sexy as fuckkkkk in this scene. She’s wearing a buttoned-down denim shirt tucked into jeans, and her outfit just screams, I’m gay and I’ll fuck you gooder than good. Lena is all over Shane and Shane seems neutral. I know Shane’s a big player, but this is not realistic. Lena’s hot enough to make a girl sign the divorce papers. I would be fully willing to let Lena ruin my life with half an hour’s notice. 

Bette raises her eyebrows at Lena. I counted Bette’s eyebrow raises in this scene: 7. Someone should make an instagram fan page for Bette’s eyebrows. Bette’s eyebrows tell stories. Bette’s eyebrows rip grown men to shreds. Bette’s eyebrows ruin marriages. Bette’s eyebrows are my everything.

Shane breaks the news to Bette and Alice about buying the bar- eek! And Bette has a crappy reaction. WTF, Bette?! If Shane is Mr. Moneybags now, what’s the big deal? What’s the point of being loaded if you can’t buy businesses on a whim?  And then Bette tells Shane not to “shit where she eats” by sleeping with Lena and it’s Shane’s turn to raise her eyebrows. I love that Shane is not the type to ever bitch someone out for their rampant hypocrisy. Sleeping with employees is one of Bette’s top 5 hobbies. I wonder if Bette will have any relationships in this season that don’t involve a sexy but questionable power dynamic? Unlikely. 

Some bitch-face prep school brat bullies Angie for being black and having a sexually active lesbian mom. Watching this scene, I was fully rooting for Angie to slap her upside the face.

Slap her, Angie! Slap her!

Angie fully exceeds my expectations by punching redhead in the mouth. Bingo! I’m so proud of Angie in this moment. See? That’s what happens when you have lesbian moms. You probably learn how to throw a punch early. That looked like it hurt! I wonder if redhead broke any teeth? Redhead is just a kid, but still. Anyone who bullies a minority for being an assumed beneficiary of affirmative action doesn’t deserve to have teeth. 

Finley dishes to Sophie about Bar Girl’s back-to-Jesus moment and when Finley can’t remember the church’s name, Sophie says, “Aw, you a lil stupid!”. Sophie is joking, but still, this line makes me sad. I feel like Finley’s character is the kind of person who gets teased for being stupid because she’s bubbly. 

Finley: Let me be your flower girl!
Sophie: Not in those shorts, fool.
Finley: These are my nice cut-offs!

The line, “These are my nice cut-offs” has got to be one of the main highlights of this episode for me. There’s no such thing as nice cut-offs, Finley! Come on, girl! We lesbians need to work together to out-dress straight men! It’s our duty!

Angie gets suspended for punching the mean girl and white girl gets a talking to. I think this season has done a really good job so far of continuing its legacy by touching on important social issues. Black and white kids are disciplined differently in our schools; that’s a fact. It’s not talked about enough and it’s one of the many injustices that contributes to racial inequality. 

This scene with Bette showing up at Angie’s school makes me think, where the heck is Tina? I mean, I know that Laurel Holloman isn’t going to be in Generation Q (apparently she’s too busy with her painting career?) but still, I want to know what’s going on with her! The suspense is killing me. 

And now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for.

MEGAN RAPINOE IS ON THE L WORD!!!!!

I screamed like a schoolgirl when I saw her. Sophie has to hold Finley back.

Sophie: Whoa, girl!
Finley: I have to hug her! I gotta tell her I love her!

Me too, Finley. Me too

Blessed day, she and Alice talk about gay thingssss. I wish a lesbian talk show like this existed in real life. And DON’T mention Ellen. She had many chances to be our lesbian Jesus and she’s not interested in the role. 

I hope they bring more celesbians onto the show. I would die to see some cool lesbian Youtubers like Rose and Rosie or Ambers Closet. Or some gay actors, like Ellen Page. Who else? 

But anyways, it was pretty clear that Rapinoe’s super-cute interview scene was the extent of her appearance on The L Word. I guess she’s probably too busy being a soccer star to stick around and have an on-screen romance with one of the main characters. Oh my God. How cool would that be?

Finley and Sophie meet up to crash Bar Girl’s church. Surprise! Bar Girl is the damn priest. 

Dun dun dun dunnnnnnn.

*Cue dramatic Mozart music*

This is a more dramatic plot moment than the Jenny drop, to be honest. Finley fucked a priest!

Sophie: They have wine tastings on Wednesdays!
Finley: I fudged the priest. 

I feel like there are certain times when careers should be disclosed to your sexual partners pre-coitus. I have a friend who went home with a girl and offered her a bong hit in the morning and found out that the girl was a COP. See, that might be one of those times. 

Finley and the priestess have a heart-to-heart in the pews. This scene does not end in pew sex because this is a Showtime show, not a porno.

Dani gets home to Sophie cooking dinner- ugh. My fantasy in life. Somebody cook for me! Please!

Sophie: I met Megan Rapinoe today!!
Dani: …

I love Sophie’s wardrobe, by the way. Especially her one-piece jumper things. She kinda looks like a plumber, but in a super-sexy way. Does that make sense? Maybe not a plumber. Maybe more like a hot astronaut?

Alice talks to Gigi about Nat. Gigi looks super fine in a blazer and a white T-shirt. Women who look like this will cheat on you. That’s a fact. 

Alice: Nat misses you 🙂
Gigi: OMG…really? Like, for real?
Alice: No lol

Alice sort of starts trying to set Gigi and Nat up because she wants Nat to have friends. Yikes. That’s all I have to say about that.

Alice: You and Gigi should go shopping and get your nails done!! 🙂
Nat: Uh…really?

Bette shows up at Shane’s new bar and apologizes for being a shitty friend. Yass, Bette! Being all accountable for her mistakes and shit? That’s sexy. 

Bette: You still miss Quiara? It’s fine. It will get better with time.
Shane: When did it start getting better for you?
Bette: Oh, it never did. 

Micah is sad about Neighbor Boy showing up and cancelling their cute art show date, so he goes on Grindr and finds a guy to hook up with. 

Grindr guy: I’ve never been with a trans guy before.
Micah: Uh…okay.

Ugh, trans men have to deal with so much bullshit. 

I wish there were a Grindr for lesbians. Not as in, a straight-up hookup app, but like, a tinder-like dating app that is ONLY for lesbians. Where I’m from, lesbians just use tinder. But it’s full of straight girls looking for brunch buddies and sexually frustrated hetero-romantic bisexuals looking for an “adventurous” girl to “have some fun with me and my super hot boyfriend!!!” Yuck.

Back to Bette at the office. Oof, I can’t get enough of the Bette and Dani scenes where they power walk around in high-ceilinged offices in heels and $600 pants. Bette has employees who casually hand her her tea ready-made in an eco-friendly reusable thermos as she breezes by. Goals. 

Dani and Bette’s assistant try to talk Bette into smoothing out her stance on education before her debate, but Bette’s like, nah, man, I’m going rogue. 

Dani: So, if you want to win the teacher union endorsement, you need to make your stance on education clear.
Bette: I support more funding for public schools and don’t support pouring money into charter schools. 
Dani: Okay. So…would you consider enrolling Angie in a public school?
Bette: Definitely not.

Bette’s assistant’s lips in this scene tell a whole story. I like him. Does he have a name yet?

By the way, I wonder if I’m the only one who notices that this entire dialogue makes no sense? Charter schools ARE public schools. There are just as many charter schools that cater to underprivileged kids as there are charter schools for rich yacht club brats. The only difference between public schools and charter schools is that charter schools amass private AND public funds, so they receive permission from the state to run things differently than the district schools. 

But whatever. Who cares, right? They never get this stuff right on TV.

Sophie and Dani go to walk through the venue that Dani’s Dad has offered to book for her.

Dani’s Mom: This place is big! But where do we put the home-cooked food? 🙂
Snobby hotel lady: Oh no, honey, we don’t do that here.

Snobby hotel lady drops a bomb: Dani’s Dad already booked the venue. Whoa, boy! That’s balls! You’re just going to book a wedding venue for your daughter without clearing it with her first? Dani is pretty much fine with this. Sophie is PISSED. 

Sophie: I don’t want to get married somewhere where I have to worry about keeping my back straight. 
Dani: Couples compromise all the time!

To be fair, I’m pretty sure Dani popped out the womb with her back straight. She probably started walking with perfect posture when she was five years old and never fell over, even once!

Dani and Bette’s assistant are both biting their nails at the debate, hoping that Bette won’t blow it. Bette’s opponent says that he wants to increase funding for charter schools and get kids out of the “broken public school system”. Haha. Bette fumbles but eventually kills it when she goes off on another one of her satisfying tirades. She has facts! She has conviction! She cares! I’d vote for her. 

Alice attends the debate in her newly-formed throuple that consists of her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s ex-wife. Things with Nat and Gigi go well…a little too well. 

Gigi: Oh my God Nat, remember that one time, with the turtle?
Alice: Get out of my house. 

Shane sips whiskey and broods in her new office while thinkin’ bout bae, the almost-ex wife she yearns for…despite her ignoring Shane’s message from a week ago. Shane seems pissed when her wife doesn’t respond right away to her “I miss you” text.

Lena shows up to seduce Shane. MM-hmm. Yeah buddy. 

Shane: Lena, this is not a good idea.
Lena: I’ve seen the way you look at me.

To be fair, I don’t think Shane looked at Lena any kind of way. I don’t think she looks at anyone any type of way. I think it’s just her face.

Ah, to have a grungy and aloof boy-band aesthetic that compels women to dump their girlfriends and throw themselves at you. 

Shane slams Lena on the desk and unzips her pants, which is super hot. I live to see Shane toss women around and rip off clothing. Please, more lesbian sex scenes that don’t overwhelmingly savor of vanilla. Or maybe vanilla is okay, but could we try, like, French vanilla?

By the way, Lena is still with her girlfriend (Tess) but this barely registers with me, since I haven’t seen Lena and Tess actually act like girlfriends, and Tess seems like she’s not a great girlfriend. In fact, this is pretty much the first thing that Lena told Shane when they met. So yeah, it seems like she wants out of that relationship. 

Aaaand for the never-disappointing final scene, Dani catches sight of an attractive woman (who I assume is Felicity Adams) knocking on Bette’s hotel room door, which means Bette is STILL sleeping with Felicity Adams! 

We see Dani’s face, and I’m guessing she’s thinking, shit, this PR job is going to be harder than I thought. 

I can’t wait for next week! What did you think of this week’s episode?
What’s the gayest thing you ever did as a kid?
What celesbians would you want to see on the Alice show?

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