Episode 1 – Let’s Do it Again Recap

The moment has finally come. When I first heard Showtime was doing The L Word: Generation Q, it seemed too good to be true. I discovered The L Word at the age of 19, more than 10 years after the first episode aired. Over a span of more than a decade, I never once heard about the show. In fact, in those years, I can’t recall ever even seeing a moderately realistic lesbian character on a TV series, period. I’ve never been a big fan of TV or movies. Now that I’m older, I understand why. Growing up, I never saw characters on the screen that I related to. I didn’t know I was queer, I just knew TV was boring. The L Word definitely wasn’t boring for me. I binge-watched the entire thing in like a month, rushing home from my college classes to climb into bed and stream episode after episode.

In a recent interview, Jennifer Beals mentions that when The L Word came off the air in 2009, they were sure that something would replace it, but nothing ever did. Boy, is that ever true. The L Word, for all its imperfections, is the only TV show I’ve ever seen that accurately depicts lesbian women and lesbian relationships. It’s the only TV show I’ve ever seen in which lesbian women are the main characters and not embarrassing caricatures or unbelievable “happen-to-be-gay” token sidekicks played by straight actresses and tossed in the mix for “diversity”. It’s the only TV show I’ve ever seen that seems like it’s actually for queer women. It’s the only TV show I’ve ever seen that actually seems like it’s for me. 

Despite the fact that The L Word has been off the air for a decade, lesbians talk about the show like it’s still airing every weekend. There’s the dreaded first-date question: Which L word character are you? (I dated a Shane once. It didn’t go well.) and of course, the unending debate: WHO THE HELL KILLED JENNY?!?!?!?! (In the aforementioned interview, Beals confirms that we will finally learn the answer to the age-old question in the reunion season!!!! But what will we talk about at lesbian events?).

I recently asked a cute lesbian I had just met what she had been watching lately and she replied, “I’m rewatching The L Word.” I nodded. I rewatched The L Word after I broke up with my first girlfriend. I rewatched The L Word this summer after I got sick to my stomach of hetero TV. I rewatch The L Word all the time. We rewatch The L word because there is no better, newer, more-updated TV show with main characters who are lesbians. 

UNTIL NOW. 

Okay, that’s enough blah blah blah. I’m sorry. I’m excited. The L Word is BACK!!! Are you ready for the recap?!?!

Lights. Camera. Action. Soft, cinematic, somnambulatory music plays. I hear moaning. Oh! Someone is getting her pussy ate. Yes! This show is already off to a promising start. Hot girl #1 is shaking. Hot girl #2 is going down in pussy town. We can see everything! Nipples! Finger action! And…Hot girl #1 is having her big moment. #2 does the kiss up the torso. Classic. I appreciate the fact that #1’s O face looks realistic. I hate it when girls look picture perfect when they orgasm in movies, because I usually look like this:

Also realistic? #1 drops the L bomb. Damn! Right after the big O? That’s gay. 
#2 whips out her magic fingers– covered in pussy blood! Again, realistic. 

LOVE LOOKS BETTER IN COLORRRRRR!!!!!

Alright. It’s no, “girls in tight dresses who drag with moustaches”, but I’ll take it. I dig. 

It’s a sunny day in LA. Pigeons are flying. Girls are scootin’ through town on their Razr scooters. A blonde lesbian with bedhead can’t start her car, so she hops on a bike. She has hairy pits! Yes! We love a natural queen! She’s ridin’ through town. Some dude shouts, “give me a smile, sweetheart!” and she calls him a jackass. I love her already. 

Some jackass: Give me a smile, sweetheart!
Finley: Talk to the pits!

Blondie gets home and sees a jacked dude moving in next door. She busts into the house and usurps her man-friend’s work call to drag him upstairs for a “better view” of his new neighbor. #1 and #2 are in the better-view room, butt naked. Embarking on a second round of lady love? Maybe. Blondie doesn’t care. She jumps out on the balcony to shout at (not her) new neighbor. “Hey, I’m Finley!” She tells her man-friend that neighbor-boy could be his future husband. 

Finley: LOOK AT HIS ABDOMINALS!!!
Micah: OMG Finley you’re so embarrassing!!!

“He’ll probably propose before you do,” says #1 to #2. Whoa! Not-so-subtle hinting. Okay, I’m glad our lady lovers are a couple. Saying, “I love you” after orgasming with your long-term girlfriend? Cute. Saying “I love you” after orgasming with a girl you swiped right on last night? Less cute. 

Micah: Your Dad will never like Sophie tbh.
Dani: 😮

Man friend shuts the door to have a chat with #2. He asks her when she’s going to propose. She seems worried about dropping the news to Daddy-O. Then he says, “Dani, he’s never going to think she’s good enough for you.” I feel the pain. My parents wouldn’t think anyone was good enough for me unless they had a penis. But moving on. 

Enter Bette Porter. She’s doing Bette Porter things, like running for mayor and saying, “I’ll see you at the office” to someone on the phone. Except her Blackberry and bluetooth earpiece have been replaced by airpods. Bette’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom. 

Upstairs, we get to see Angie. Angie!!!!!! I am so excited for this moment. In the years that have passed, Angie’s transformation has got to be the most interesting. She’s gone from being a baby to being a teen. And most importantly, she’s a teen with LESBIAN MOMS. Fascinating. Angie is in the bathroom blasting rap music. We see manic panic. Rockabilly blue, a classic choice. We see school uniform. We see Angie texting someone named Jordi. Is Jordi a boy or a girl?! Oh my God! Is Angie gay?!?!?! I hope Angie is gay. I wonder if straight kids with lesbian moms get nervous about coming out to their parents as straight. Probably. Either way, I’m here for it. 

Then we get to see Alice. God, I love Alice. She looks fantastic. Did her eyebrows get darker? Whatever. She looks great. I love how they’re styling her in this season. Not that the lime green and pink polos weren’t fun, but I’m here for color pop shift dress Alice. She still looks fun, but like, fun with more money. She’s trying to cook breakfast for her girlfriend’s kids and they’re all, like, we hate you, Alice. And then her girlfriend’s ex sweeps in in a sexy suit and is all like, mwah mwah, cheek kisses. Are you even a lesbian if you don’t cheek kiss your girlfriend’s baby mama? Probably not. 

Baby Mama: Good morning! Bonjour! Mwah!
Alice: WTF

It’s Alice’s “turn” to take the kids to school (Alice’s bae phrases this like it’s on par to winning Tegan & Sara tickets in the sweepstakes), but Baby Mama rushes them out the door, and she’s all, avoir! Is she even French? How do we feel about non-French women speaking French to their kids?

Moving on. 

Baby Mama leaves and then Alice and her girlfriend get sexy on the couch. Sex scene unpictured. 

I don’t know how I feel about chemistry with Alice and her girlfriend so far. Alice’s relationships were pretty consistently exciting throughout the show, but when I heard she was going to be living with her girlfriend and her kids, I got my hopes up. I want Alice to end up with someone super smart and sexy and multi-faceted. Someone like…Tasha. Oh my god. Is Tasha going to be in this season? I have a feeling Tasha won’t be in this season. I miss Tasha. Tasha was hot. 

Shane is getting out of her private jet. I repeat! Shane is deboarding her private jet! Oh my God, YES!. I love that Shane is rich now, but at the same time, I can’t believe Shane is rich now. I feel like being rich doesn’t quite fit with Shane’s personality. How do you go from, “I cut hair in a skate park” to, “I’ll have my people call your people”?

Then Shane fucks the flight attendant in a fancy kitchen. Cool. Shane and Alice reunite on Alice’s TV set. Alice has a TV set, like she’s Ellen Degeneres or some shit. 

Shane, Alice, and Bette have brunch (at the Planet?!?!) and Shane still wants to fuck Alice’s mom. Bette takes a call from Tina, and this is the first time we hear the word “Tina”. Shane is wearing a nude lip in this scene, which I find strange, but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, since The L Word is clearly a soap opera now. I guess they decided to make soap opera Shane a lipstick lesbian??

Angie plays the fake sick-grandma card to get out of school so she can hop in a car with Jordi, who is a girl!!! Yee-haw!

Bette is sweeping around her office doing future-mayor shit. My main takeaway from this scene is that Bette has employees who actually look like lesbians– and actually, come to think of it, the first 15 minutes of this show have been filled with lesbians who actually look like lesbians. I’m so excited about that. 

Bette sweeps into a meeting with Dani, when she was supposed to be meeting with Dani’s father. Bette roasts Dani about working for her Dad (ouch) and storms out of the meeting after accusing the company’s offered campaign money of being derived from some sketchy opioid-dealing shit. Dani seems like she’s usually super calm and collected, but Bette rips her a new one. I love Bette’s impassioned power-throw downs. 

Bette: I don’t want your blood money!
Dani: 😮

Weird prediction: Bette and Dani are going to fuck at some point. 

Yeah, I know, Dani and Sophie are in looooove. But I don’t know these characters, so I’m not emotionally invested enough yet to root for their wedding. Lesbians U-Haul on the second date, so like, for all I know, Dani and Sophie met at the organic food co-op last month and Dani picked out a ring three days later after learning that Sophie is also vegan. I don’t know their lives.

Micah breaks neighbor boy’s window and then neighbor boy agrees to dinner. Wow. I wish life was like the movies. 

Finley is chilling in Shane’s new bachelor pad because Alice sent her over to build furniture or something. Shane’s new place is empty except for a punching bag and a beer cooler because she’s SO butch. God. I wish I were that butch. Then again, Shane is still wearing lipstick in this scene. I’m getting mixed messages. Finley cracks open a beer and then we get a big reveal: Shane has a WIFE.

A WIFE. Shane?!?!?!

Clearly they’re not doing too good because Shane is fucking flight attendants and beating up a sandbag in her empty apartment, but uh…this is big news. I’m dying to see this woman. Shane couldn’t even walk down the aisle with Carmen, and Carmen was one hot cup of noodles.

Finley compliments Shane’s boujee lifestyle, and Shane is like, “You can come crash here any time.” Whoa, she shouldn’t have said that. Finley’s going to move in. Like, for sure. Shane and new Shane living in the same pad? I’m here for it! Come to think of it, Finley might actually be the new Shane. Her opening scene was not quite as glorious as Shane’s OG leather 2-piece moment, but running out of a girl’s house half-naked in the morning and stealing her bike to get to work on time is lesbian fuckboy moves, for sure. Not quite as iconic as crashing your sugar mama’s BMW, but it’ll do.

Bette has a press conference and some dude pops up and publicly accuses her of fucking his wife while she was working for him. Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. 

Angie comes home from her rendezvous (date?!) with Jordi which included prolonged eye contact and hitting a marijuana pen (No Angie!!! Say no to drugs!!) and she’s like, Oh my god, Mom! You ruined my life!

Dani has a rough day at work after having to coach a man who just lost his son to opioids, to not create any bad press for the company (ouch) and she decides to propose to Sophie. If someone proposed to me on my living room couch, I’d be pissed, but that’s just me. 

Alice welcomes Bette onto her talk show, where they sit in mid-century modern leather chairs, sip tea out of vagina-lip mugs, and discuss Bette’s political ruin. Bette gives a heartfelt speech  about how she will not be slut-shamed out of running for mayor, because, you know, having consensual sex isn’t something women should be shamed for.

Dani is in the audience, and she digs it.

Bette: I’m a smart, capable, independent lesbian woman!
Dani: 😮

Dani shows up to Bette’s office and gives a dramatic speech. She wants to quit working for her shady Daddy and she wants to work for Bette. Yes!!!!! 

Bette: “I’m not sure I trust you.”
Dani: “I know. But if you want to win…I think you need me.”

BOOM!!!

Bette smiles. Cue credit roll. YES!!! This is the perfect way to end the first episode. 

Prediction: Bette and Dani are going to tEar shIt UpPP and I am here for it!!!

PS Yeah, I still think they’re going to fuck.