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:: L O S I N G  I T ::
#1.7

By NancyAmazon

Clive - Shane is...

Harry - Shane is... what? An ex-con? A murderer? Oh God please don't tell me you're heterosexual.
Shane - I'm a girl. Female. Harry.
Harry - My my my. Androgyny confounds.


Flatmate 1 - Ok, what are we gonna call it?
FM 2 - What about... Fuckwad?
FM 1 - Boring.
FM 3 - Labia?
FM 1 - Labia's too... clinical.
FM 2 - Too seventies. OK, how about... TWAT?
FM 1 - Ohh TWAT is great.
FM 2 - Done. TWAT! The night!


Alice - [to Shane's machine] Shane? Where are you? It is really really lonely here at The Planet, and your roommates are over here saying TWAT like they have Tourette's syndrome. And Dana and Lara left and all they were giving me was the "we fucked all night and no one else in the world matters" vibe. It was gross. Anyway, I wish you'd come be surly and cynical with me.


Dana - Let's go around the house and make sure all the doors and windows are locked, OK?
Lara - That's a good idea. [beat] You are so smart.
Dana - No, you're the smart one.
Lara - Only in cooking.
Dana - And photography!
Lara - But you have mind and body intelligence.
Dana - No you do.
Lara - No, you do.
Dana - Shut up, I said it first.
Lara - I said it second... [they look at Tina]
Dana - Sorry.


Shane - Hey! Liquor in the front, poker in the rear!
Alice - Do you have to make that joke every time we play this game?
Shane - Yes, I do.


Kit - What is wrong with my baby sister to leave her pregnant wife at home for some crazy-assed bitch to go off on? Bring her on! I wish she would bring her face up in here, that would be the last time. Look at all these women? And you. [points at Lisa] We will kick ass. I mean what's wrong with her? I'm sure there's enough sperm for everyone.
Gang - Yeah!


Marina - You need to calm down.
Tim - Don't tell me to calm down you vulture, Where is she?
Marina - Last time I saw Jenny she told me she never wanted to see me again, you remember?
Tim - You have no conscience do you? You don't even feel bad. Tell me, when you were sitting at my house eating dinner did you think for a second that your actions weren't altogether... Look at me!.. that it might not be altogether honourable?
Marina - Honourable?
Tim - Yeah. What, you don't know what that means? Or is it just not important to you?


Tim - What is it you do, you girls? Should I even care? Does it even count?
Marina - Well, you were there - you saw how much it counts.


Dana - So what's the scoop? Is the lesbo man dating the fake bisexual?
Alice - [Throws a peanut at Dana] I am bisexual.
Lara - OK, I'm confused.
Dana - Lisa over here is a lesbian identified man.
Lara - So what is that, like a transsexual?
Alice - Don't.
Dana - I wonder how he pees. Sitting down do you think? Shane?
Shane - I never peed with him.
Tina - I just want to know, are you into him as a lesbian, or as a man?
Dana - Maybe you should call yourself a trisexual?
Kit - What is it with you people and your need to take apart everything and process each little detail? If the dude wanna give up his white man rights to become a second class citizen, then welcome to our world.
Dana - OK, she's got a point. I'm sorry. Cheers, welcome to the fold.
Shane - Welcome to the heavenly gates.

 


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