Alice - How do you not pee on your hand?
Tina - You just aim below the clit.
Alice - Oh, really?
Tina - Yeah, where did you think the pee came out of?
Alice - I don't know, there's a lot going on down there.
Tina - In high school, I used to think you could get pregnant by giving a
guy a blow job.
Alice - I used to think you could get pregnant through your pants.
Tina - Or touching the handle of the boys bathroom! [beat] Are you sure you
want to go back to men?
Alice - Absolutely. I've had enough drama and mind fucks and women are
Tina - Yeah well men are boring.
Alice - Yeah well bring it on, cos I could use a little nice, uncomplicated,
boring boy-girl sex masquerading as love. That's fine with me.
Alice - [To Tina] No more smack, no more crack and no more blow.
Bette - I'm off to my Bernard Riddle meeting. He's got half a million
dollars he's willing to lay on any museum doing anything remotely
Franklin - Bernard Riddle is way out of your league dear.
Bette - He may be out of the CAC's league, Franklin, but he's certainly not
out of mine.
Alice - Did something happen between you and Lara?
Dana - No, I'm just never having sex again.
Shane - Easy Dana, come on.
Dana - I've never been more humiliated, or embarrassed or ashamed of
anything more in my entire life.
Alice - What, did she tie you up and leave you?
Dana - No, nothing that bad...
Alice - Ok, I have a friend and she went down on a girl, and she sneezed.
Dana - Gross.
Alice - It wasn't me. It was a friend. [pause] So what what what what? God
you're killing me.
Shane - Did you queef?
Dana - Did I what? See I don't even know what that is. Is that...? [leans
over and whispers to Alice]
Alice - OK, is that what happened? [to Shane] She female ejaculated.
Shane - Wow, Miss Dana! This Lara must be a killer in bed, huh?
Dana - Yeah! I mean, yeah... yeah. She... That's a GOOD thing?
Alice - Dana! Women strive for this. They read books about the G Spot. They
go to workshops. Oh my god you should be totally and utterly ecstatic.
Lisa - Who was that?
Shane - Forget it man.
Lisa - Are you sure?
Shane - Yeah, well, she doesn't want to be a lesbian any more.
Lisa - Since when?
Shane - She was dating one of those hot and cold chicks, and she got her
heart completely busted.
Lisa - It's a shame
Shane - Yeah
Lisa - It's no reason to swear off being a lesbian
Shane - I agree
Lisa - Maybe I can change her mind?
Dana - Wait, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're a guy!
Shane - Lisa's a lesbian
Lisa - I'm a lesbian identified man. [off Dana's look] I know.
Woman - Excuse me, I loved you as Alexis in "Dynasty"!
Lenore - Well actually I was Blair in "Empire Falls" [the woman leaves]
Alice - What's with mopey pants? What is it Dana, are you having
embarrassing multiple orgasms now?
Dana - No! It's just Lara hasn't called me, it's been [she checks Alice's
watch] it's been like 21 hours.
Alice - Well how did you leave it?
Dana - I left without saying anything.
Alice - From your own apartment?
Dana - I was really embarrassed Alice!
Randy - You're letting your fiancÚ go out alone with a guy whose dick has
been in her mouth?