Alice: I am kicking your ass.
Tasha: Oh, please.
Alice: What?! You think I can't take you?
Tasha: [laughs] No.
Alice: Was she,
uh, was she flirting with you?
Tasha: [shrugs] Maybe a little.
Alice: Little bit.
Tasha: Yeah, a little bit.
Alice: Thought so.
Tina: You're gonna get me fired.
Niki: Tina, it's not like we're going to be having sex on the side of the
road. Here, look, I'll put these on and no one will even recognize me.
Random Guy: Excuse me. Hi, are you Niki Stevens?
RG: Can we have your autograph?
Tina: I quit! I fucking quit!
Shane: Molly, go home.
Molly: It's a free country. I can support boobs if I want to. GO BOOBS!
Kit: Shane. Shane, she flew all the way up here to keep fighting with you,
girl. That's true love. That's true love!
Shane: I don't want to be your fucking loser
fuck buddy. I really don't. I don't want you to pity me. I don't want you to
save me. I don't want to be your teacher into the gay world. I don't want
any of it. So, just go home.
Bette: Hey, I need to tell you something.
Bette: You look really great in those pants. [laughs]
Tina: Fuck you! [smiling]
Alice: It's a ride, not a race. Alright, just go ahead.
Jenny: My pussy is so numb.
Jenny: Listen, can you please just do
something about the stalker?
Shane: I don't have to do anything about my stalker.
Jenny: Yes you do.
Jenny: 'Cause she's been following me around for 30 miles.
Shane: Yeah, well that means that I have 170 to go.
Molly: I love you!
Shane: What?! [skids to a stop] Whoa, wait!
Molly: I won.
Shane: No, no, no, no. Wait, you're in love with me?
Molly: No. I just said that so you would stop.
Shane: You cheated. [throws her helmet at Molly.]
Molly: Ow! So what, I still won.
Shane: [out of breath] Oh, my ass is killing me.
Molly: Okay, I know I'm a disaster, but you have to listen to me because
that was the bet.
Shane: Make it fast.
Molly: I don't know if I'm gay, I don't know if I'm straight, but I know
that I want to be with you.
Shane: We had terrible sex.
Molly: No, it was great for me! You don't just get on a bike and know how to
ride it - same with riding a girl. So I freaked out. Big deal. You've just
been with so many girls that you don't remember your first time. Well, guess
what, it was my first time. And it was great! It was better than with
Richard, and with guys, and with anybody! And I'm really into you! And I
swear, next time, I WILL SO GO DOWN ON YOU!!
Shane: Molly, Molly, you're making a scene. Please.
Seriously, why do you want to be with me? Think about it. Because you've
been using me to get back at your mother the whole time.
Molly: I haven't. I haven't been using you. I've never flown to the Pacific
Northwest to chase a girl I barely know. And I'm here and I'm really crazy
about you. And I need you to give me another chance even if I'm awful in
I know I'm still Gay 101, but I'm a really fast learner and before you know
it I'm gonna be Advanced Placement Gay, and then Graduate Level Gay, and
fuck law school, I'll get my Doctorate in fucking Gay!
[Shane and Molly kiss]
Shane: Are you going to stop talking?
Shane: Promise me?
[looks at her t-shirt.]
Shane: No more pink, though.
Alice: We love you Dana, and we miss you every day.
Bette: You're in our hearts Dana.
Tina: What the fuck is this, the Taj Majal?
Adele: No, I had production make a product placement deal with North Face.
Molly: What kind of bullshit tent is this?
Shane: It was on sale at Costco.
Molly: And you expect me to have Advanced Placement lesbian sex in this
shitty runt tent?
Shane: Yeah, I do.
Shane: What the hell is that?! Is that Jenny's tent?
Molly: I think so.
Shane: My G-d, it looks like a condo.
Molly: I don't think she got that on sale at Costco.
[Shane and Molly make the tent fall on Jenny & Niki.]
Jenny: Adele! We're being killed!
Alice: So, what's your deal. Are you gay or what? C'mon.
Adele: That depends.
Alice: Depends on what?
Adele: It depends on who's asking.
Alice: I'm asking. Are you seeing anyone?
Adele: I'm single.
Alice: This is great! We should set you up. 'Cause, I mean, that's what
these rides are for. Curing cancer and one night stands. Totally.
Niki: So, you talked to Molly.
Shane: Yeah, what can I say, I'm a sucker for a pretty face.
Niki: Here I thought you were hard to get.
Shane: I'm not hard to get.
Niki: Hmm, not hard to get, just hard to keep.
[after Tasha asks Alice lots of big questions.
Alice: I'm not leaving you alone in the tent anymore!
We're supposed to be making S'mores!
Jenny: What do you think?
Jenny: That's not the reaction I wanted to elicit.
Niki: Jenny, it's a purple penis.
[after telling a ghost story]
Alice: No, it's actually a true story. My grandmother told us that story.
Alice: Right, but you do things less lame than 'ate a potato chip'.
Bette: Kissing isn't like, cheating, cheating.
Shane: I don't think kissing counts. It's not cheating. Nor do I think
sleeping with someone.
Shane: Well, you know, unless you sleep with a person more than once.
Alice: Wow, you guys have great morals.
Tina: That's because you're a ho.
Shane: I ain't a ho, bitch!
Alice: [nodding yes] Kinda.
Shane: Don't you go projecting.
Molly: So, does that mean that I could sleep with any one of your friends
and you wouldn't care?
Shane: Not if you came home with me afterwards.
Shane: Let me see... [coaxes laugh from Molly]
Alice: Bette, because she was a big, old cheater. Ginormous cheater.
Alice: What the fuck just happened? Did I.... I was kidding.
[Alice, Shane, Tina talk about her affair with Bette after the "I Never"
Shane: I never saw this coming. Ever.
Bette: I love Tina. I've always loved Tina.
Alice: Are you in love with Bette? Again?
Tina: I've always been in love with Bette.
Tina: I can't help it. It's something that I can't help. I want to be with
Tina: I fucking hate women.
Shane: Yeah, well.
Alice: That's some fucked up shit, Tina.
Jenny: It's so typical. Bette and Tina should have stayed together. They
should have found the courage to work it out. Instead of just running away
from each other like that.
Jenny: Well, I'm in no position to judge. Love makes people so insane. Do
you know that my friends think I'm out of my mind. For falling in love with
Jenny: Do you think that this is going to be one of those movie things? Or
do you think that we're actually going to make it.
Niki: We're going to make it. And I'm going to love you. Forever. I promise.