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:: L G B  T E A S E ::

Quotes By

Shane: "I don't know, I'd be happy to taste the fruit, peel the section, and squeeze the juice with her."
Tina: "Get in line, sister."

Tina: We think she has an aptitude for languages.
Bette: Yeah, she knows Frera Jacques by heart.
Tina: Yeah!

Alice: "So I finally reach some secretary who was like 'Mrs. Peabody is abroad and doesn't want to be reached unless it's a total emergency.'"
Shane: "Didn't you say her daughter's in jail?"
Alice: "I said 'I know Mrs. Peabody's a broad. And not a very classy one.'"
Phyllis: "How does my makeup look? I don't want to wear too much lipstick and look like one of those lipstick lesbians."
Alice: "No, you're a total stone butch."
Phyllis: "Stone Butch! I'm studying the lingo."

Kit: "When I see her and Aunt Paige together, I don't see Shane on fire."

Phyllis: "You were sweet! A little Vanilla...."
Alice: "Vanilla? Really? Vanilla?"
Phyllis: "Vanilla sex. Conventional sex. What the culture regards as standard or regular sex."
Alice: "I know Vanilla. I know what that means."

Phyllis: "I'm actually a little embarrassed because I don't know what the 'T' stands for. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual....Tentative?"

Kit: "Did anybody get a postcard from Jenny?"
Bette & Tina: "No."
Kit: "I did."
Tina "Where?! China, I hope."
(Bette grabs postcard from Kit's hands) "Playa del Carmen. That's not nearly far enough away."

Jenny: "What's this on his head. This is Mauve. This is not orange."
Marissa: "Well, the groomer ran out of orange, so we thought we would..."
Jenny: "No. No, no. I don't pay you to think. (To the dog) Do I Sounder? Do I pay her to think? (To Marissa) He hates you. So take him back to the groomers now and get orange ribbons so that he can like you again. That's it."

Tina: "Who's that?"
Film Exec: "Oh, that's Marissa, Jenny's assistant."
Tina: "Since when does Jenny have an assistant?"

Shane: (to Jenny) "Get off the phone, bitch!"

Helena: "Oh, God - You could kill someone with that! Not that I would...ever...kill someone. I am totally, totally against killing."
Cellmate: "Shit happens."

Bette: (to Tina) "So, what are you doing for sex?"

Tina: (to Bette) "You know, it's not like I didn't go for months at a time without having sex when we were together."
Bette: "Ouch."

Shane (to Tina): Please, do not go back to men whatever you do!"

Shane: "T, you've gotta stop saying there's no beautiful women. I see them everywhere I go." (walks past female prisoner) Hi!."
Tina: "Shane, beautiful women - they see you. They don't see me."

Alice: "Forget about Bette. Really. It is easy. I did it."
Tina: "It was just that she set the bar."
Shane: (distracted saying Hi to the female inmates) You don't need to go to bars! We can go wherever you want - we can expand it."
Shane: (to inmate) "Will you still be here later...?"
Alice: Yeah, we'll be your little wingmen. Like your little, gay wingmen."

Helena: Have you heard from Mother?
Alice: I put in a few calls. Like 350."
Shane: "Listen, we're trying to come up with the bail. It's just a lot of money."
Tina: "I don't know understand why your bail is set so high. It's not like you murdered Catherine."

Helena: "My cellmate is this massive homicidal maniac who's probably going to kill me in my sleep!"

Alice: "And you stole an awful lot of money."
Helena: "I didn't steal it! I was entitled to it!"
Alice: "Okay. Totally. Nobody's disputing that."
Shane: "Well, except for the D.A."

Shane: "You lay low."
Tina: "No she doesn't. She needs to stand up for herself. She needs to let everybody in here know she's not afraid."
Shane: "Oh really. I'm not so sure. No, she should stick to herself and stay out of all the drama."
Alice: "You guys, she gets a family and she gets herself a daddy."
Shane: "No she shouldn't! Are you joking? No, she should stay out of all that shit. Stick to herself. That's it."
Tina: "She's an alpha female."
Alice: "She's British!"

Alice (to Helena): "Just don't drop the soap. You know what I'm saying?"
Alice & Tina (together) "Don't drop the soap."
Shane: "I wouldn'"

Alice: "They shipped out at Oh Nine Hundred O'clock this morning."

Alice: "What about her?"
Shane: "Ehhh."
Alice: "What?!?
Shane: "No!"
Alice: Are you looking where I'm looking?
Shane: I've got two eyes, Alice. I'm looking. And I say no.

Alice: "What about her? Not Bette! Not Bette!"
Tina: "I'm not looking at Bette!"

Shane: "She's cute. She's a bit...."
Alice: "Serious?"
Shane: "Yeah. Flat lining, but she's cute."

Tina: "We don't have anything in common."
Alice: "Have you talked to her? Do you know her?"
Tina: "I can just tell."
Alice: "I don't think so, Tina."

Jenny: "So, I'll see you at 8 a.m. tomorrow."
Marissa: "I won't be there."
Jenny: "Why?"
Marissa: "Because I fucking quit." (walks off)
Jenny: (to herself) "Well you...You have missed the opportunity of a lifetime..."
Alice (sees Paige approaching; gives Shane the heads up.) "Ohhh, to the left."

Paige (to Shane): "Is that what you told him?"
Paige (to Alice): Is that what she told you?
Alice: " We...don' lot. (Shane is furiously giving the 'cut it out' sign behind Paige's back.) We're gonna go." (runs off with Tina)

Alice: "Mr. Wischnia."
Joyce: "If it isn't the pillow princess."
Alice: "You are sloppy seconds, right?"


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