Bette: Can I get a sippy cup? Does anybody have a sippy cup!?
Max: I don't expect Carmen to forgive Shane anytime soon, but I do. So
should you. I mean, I forgive you.
Jenny: What? What the fuck do you forgive me for? I haven't changed who I
Max: I just don't know why we
can't work it out.
Jenny: Because you identify as a straight man. So there's the mismatch
because you want me to be your straight girlfriend to your straight guy. And
I identify as a lesbian who likes to fuck girls.
And you're not a girl.
Helena: (Wistfully) No, I don't think I can afford it.
Alice: Helena, it's free.
Helena: (Tearing up) I had no idea it could
feel this warm and fuzzy being poor.
Jenny: There's Gabby Deveaux
Helena: Whoa, that's a lot of hookups.
Alice: Yeah, she's a whore.
Joyce: Okay, Okay, Well I'm glad to see that
you've made your decision.
Bette: What decision have we made?
Joyce: Mommie Dearest 1 and Mommie Dearest 2 will be fighting this out in a
court of law. Which in the end is not a terrible thing.
Tina: How is that not a terrible thing?
Bette: Yeah, In what universe is that not a terrible thing.
Joyce: Well, in the universe of my bank account for one. And luckily for me,
my client is employed again.
Joyce: Oh, it's a shame Johnny Cochran's dead. Mmm. Flamboyant,
African-American lawyer, arguing on behalf of your picture perfect white,
hetero family. That would have been perfect for you. Because as you know,
we're going be playing the race card.
Bette: It's not a card. It's something I know to be firmly and intrinsically
true. Tina's not qualified to parent a biracial child.
Tina: Oh yeah, and I was qualified to live and sleep with one for eight
Bette: Obviously you weren't qualified for that, either.
Joyce: (to Angelica) And you, my little
sweet will be known in the press as Baby A, the artificially conceived
daughter of a bisexual, white movie exec and a biracial, lesbian, art world
titan. Oh my gosh. The fundamentalists will picket. Liberals and feminists
will argue among themselves. Good Christian folks will write into the Op-Eds
offering to adopt her away from her sick and perverted warring parents.
Alice: Let us know where you hang out, I
will find you. Let us know when you sleep, if you do. I just wanna know,
Papi, how you do that thing you do.
Bette: We should just burn down the clinic
Kit: I just wanna firebomb them. They don't know who they're messing with.
Alice: You guys need to calm down a little bit
Well, what do you do in a situation like that?
Kit: I'll give them a situation. I want to burn that clinic down.
Bette: Arson! Arson!
Alice: Why don't you just do like benefit for Planned Parenthood. Something
positive, it doesn't carry a sentence of 30 to life.
Henry: Who's Aaron Cornbluth?
Tina: He's our new boss.
Helena: A fellow Irishman, no doubt.
Henry: Was that an anti-Semitic remark?
Tina: God, I hope not.
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