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La la la la la la. L word L Word L Word. Shane Shane Shane Shane Jenny Jenny
Jenny Jenny. Kill kill kill kill. Bette Bette Bette Tina Tina Tina. Let's
make it like The Gauntlet this year. We'll be on teams, and an exec board
will determine point distribution at each episode's end. Like Team Shenny,
Team "TiBette" (not to be confused with
the country, which's quite
different), Team Sholly ... Sharmen obvs, but those kids haven't had a good
season in a while. RIP Danish. Team Dylena, Talice ... you know. JoBette.
Um, who did Max date? Tax? KitTOE? Mace? Paine? HellKat? Jiki? Tikki Tikki
Tembo No Sarimbo Hari Kari Bushkie Perry Pem Do? Those are the lyrics to EZ
Girl's next single. You read it here first. Today I'm going to talk to you
about feelings.
I got really upset when I learned all the remaining episode titles and none
of them were "LL Cool J," starring
LL Cool J, which is
what I thought this show was eventually going to be about. I sat through
Bette's meditation retreat, Jenny's poetry and Henry's toenails waiting for
Ladies Love Cool James. Sigh.
Anyhow let's go!
Episode 601: "Long
Night's Journey into Day" Recap starts now.
(now now now now now)
*
As this
picture demonstrates, our enthusiasm for Episode 601 is high. Guests for
today's premiere include last year's guests
Carly and
Alex and Caitlin (not pictured) as well as
L Word Online co-leader Oz (all the way from Australia!),
Alexi's Closet superstar Alexi Melvin as well as supreme Canadian artist
Sam and
supreme photographer Robin. I like to surround myself with beautiful
talented people. "Supreme," you could say.
Carly: You know what
would be fucking awesome?
Riese: Kool-Aid?
Carly: If they got some random hot celebrity lesbian icon to be
in the last season of The L Word, like -- like -- as a guest role --
Riese: Oh my G-d, I'm totally feeling you--
Carly: And they could be like a cop or something -- and be like
in the very first scene --
Riese: Yeah like if Xena the Warrior Princess stepped out of that
car --
[Lucy Lawless steps out of the car]
Carly & Riese: OMG OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAD NO IDEA LUCY
LAWLESS!!!
I Was Told I'd
Find my Fan Base Here?
This is that show no one actually likes but everyone has to watch out of
homosexual obligation, right? Anyone? Ah There They Are!
Xena the Warrior Princess has gone to Police Academy and now she's at
Casa Bettina. I guess someone died. I wonder who it was. Probs Angus, did
you ever like that dude? Yeah me neither. There's been plenty of logical
spaces to insert a murder over the last four years, why this, and now? E.g.,
if someone had murdered Season Two Mark, that'd explain his sudden
undiscussed absence. God I'm obsessed with that kid! VANISHED! Like a Cipher
in the Snow! Where's his lesbian icon superheroine?
Anyhow ... you know the drill: body found in the pool, ladies inside, a
bottle of wine, some sort of party. If you missed the first two minutes, do
yourself a favor and kill yourself right now. Jenny did. JK, dunno who
killed her but I've got a new theory -- self-defense. The L-Word
Ladies aren't killers but Jenny coulda gone off the deep end (no pun
intended) (totally intended) and tried to off one of them, and one must
defend oneself. These girls don't look too upset, this isn't exactly Sitting
Shivah.
You know, the more I watch this (many times) the more it seems like either
all these actors are bad actors, or all these characters are
acting. You get my drift? Srsly think about it.
++
Sooo ... anyone wanna grab a
cheeseburger and hit the cemetery?
Sgt. Xena is
gonna have to ask the ladies a few questions. MMM hmm. Shane'll go first,
the evidence is inside her vaginal canal, let's get this show on the road!
Good thing they brought Angie out for all this. That girl's not gonna have
enough questions for her future therapist as it is.
Riese: "Angelica was "asleep at the time of the incident." Not
exactly a rock-solid alibi."
Carly: "What if Angelica was like, 'I'm just here to help
guys!', with a little Fisher Price fingerprint duster."
OH MY FUCKING GOD! IT'S JENNY! IT'S JENNY SHE'S DEAD YOU GUYS!
++
Everyone is doing a really pathetic job of looking "shocked" in this photo.
This show's
persistent employment of "The Way that We Live" reminds us immediately THAT
NO ONE CARES WHAT WE WANT. Regardless, if you look really closely (and I'm
sure many of you have), not only do you see that all these people are
one-dimensional (I know, it's teevee, but you know what I'm talking about,
do nice), but that Jenny is fully SKIPPING her way through the intro.
Skipping her way towards DEATH, is more like it.
This is The Way it's the Way
That We Skip
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