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:: L E T S  G E T  T H I S  P A R T Y  S T A R T E D ::

#5.04 Recap Blog by Riese



Scenes From After Going to the Mall: Jodi's finally wearing the outfit that goes with her crimped hair disaster from Episode 502. She's got the leggings, the denim mini & the tie-dyed top! Anyhow, she marches into Bette's office and starts chomping on candy from Bette's candy bowl -- petulance is the official emotion of this episode. (Along with "cool as a cucumber.")

Haviland: [re: Jodi] It's already hard enough to understand you, now you're gonna shove food in your mouth?
Alex: Is that Popeye on her shirt?

Lesbian Squabble #10: I Want Power in my Words, I Want Passion in My Eyes
In the Ring: Dean Porter Vs. Professor Lerner, Lover of Candy
Content: Bette knows the gun was carved out of soapstone but it looked very realistic, and now Lonnie's been traumatized by it. Jodi's response is actually totally brilliant and I love her for a second -- "Lonnie Shipman is traumatized by her own shadow." Anyone familiar with That Girl (as described above) can Amen to that. (Liberal arts colleges are chock-full, fyi). Jodi pops another candy and asks if Bette wants dinner. She's going to spoil her appetite at this rate and besides, she's being immature and unprofessional. Reminds me of something I'd do, but at least I'd know I was being an asshole. Howevs, Jodi loses my affections when -- following Bette's assertion that though obviously she believes in freedom of expression, this's a bit much in the Columbine/Virginia Tech Climate -- Jodi delivers some weepy barely comprehendable speech about thinking about bringing out the art in her students. She's like Michaelangelo, painter of the Sistine Chapel and builder of Big Bear.
Who Wins: Bette. 'Cause, even though Bette retreats and offers a goodbye kiss, Jodi ruins it by asking Bette something in sign language we can't translate but involves rubbing her vag/miniskirt and therefore is likely "wanna bone later?" ' Bette says that she's working late and can't, maybe tomorrow, and Jodi goes "if you're lucky." Really Papi? Oh sorry. I said the P-word.

Haviland: Did I have a dream that Jodi's not really an artist? That she works for the FBI or something?
Cait & Alex: What?! WTF?
Haviland: I'm pretty sure we had this conversation where you said we'd find out in the middle of the season that she wasn't really an artist.
Riese: OH! I wrote that in my recap blog of the preview, I was kidding. 'Cause I didn't have anything to say, so I just made stuff up.
Haviland: It's not real?
Riese: I wrote "Jodi turns out to be an undercover cop who's been investigating Bette for petty larceny fraud possession which's why all of Jodi's art sucked and then they all go to jail with Helena and have hours of hot lesbian sex." With the scene where Bette was blindfolded and stuff.
Haviland: Really? I was waiting for that to come this season! I was looking forward to it!
Cait: You were, seriously?
Alex: Aw, that's adorable.
Haviland: That would be so much more interesting!
Riese: I know, wouldn't it? From now on, I'm just gonna take screencaps and tell my own story.
Haviland: Oh my G-d, you should, that would be so much better, everyone would love that.
Riese & Cait: No, they wouldn't.
Haviland: I would. I'd be way more excited about reading the recaps.

Because They ARE. I Mean, AREN'T: Alice is erasing the chart. Um, once you start censoring yourself for the powers-that-be, the whole movement sinks. Also, that chart's a big thing, her friends are gonna freak when they see she's made that sacrifice for a relationship, friends hate that shit. Alice tells Tasha about her surprise visit from GI Joe earlier that day, and Tasha's clearly frightened, guilty and empathetic. I'm starting to see their relationship a bit better -- I think Tasha's the gardener and Alice is the flower. Alice says she didn't tell them a thing, but you can tell she's worried that she did -- it's just a tough situation. Tasha's sorry this happened to Alice, 'cause Alice is a beautiful little flower who deserves nothing but puppies and cupcakes.

The Real Secret

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