Live from Miami ... it's L-WORD NIGHT!
Once upon a time, I wanted to be a Broadway star like Shirley Temple,
singing and dancing in sailor outfits on the Good Ship Lollipop. Then I grew
up and realised I couldn't sing, got kicked out of choir, realised I didn't
like other people, and found my true calling: staying indoors, typing away
in a cold dark room. This happens to many people: one day you wake up and
realise your true calling is not what you've always thought it was. EZ
Girl/Elizabeth Ziff -- I know you think you're the musical director of The L
Word ... but you're actually a writer. Maybe Ilene is the songwriter of your
duo? You should switch it up, perhaps she's got a new vision for the opening
theme song or she could call in Peaches or The Monkees to fix it up. Every
episode EZ Girl writes is surprisingly not terrible. I mean, she wrote the
basketball episode, my favorite.
Also, did your head explode at the end? Like the Uh Huh Her song "Explode"?
Well, pick up the pieces, it's recap time!
This week's episode viewing was attended by me, Alex, Haviland and Cait. For
some reason, Cait remains uninterested in participating in our themed photo
shoots, e.g., this week's shoot on the balcony of our Key Bisquane hotel
room. Yes: we were on vaycay in the sunshine, it was perfect. Speaking of
perfect, my heart will grow three sizes if y'all stop by the
Lesbian Blog of the Year site and nominate me! (Just comment and
Riese with my URL--autostraddle and/or autowin) I want to win a lesbian
duck, it's important, Tinkerbell needs a playmate.
Haiku for Ilene Chaiken:
They say love is blind.
I admit, E-Ziff can write.
Love is a flower.
1. Rue is actually spelled "roux." Potato, Po-tah-to.
2. Bette does drink, she just doesn't drink a lot. I don't really know why I
keep thinking she doesn't drink. I mean, I know Kit's the alcoholic, I had
this idea Bette also forewent drinking in a show of solidarity. Anyhow I
changed it as soon as I read that comment so as to look smarter, probs none
of you even noticed.
3. I am clearly practically a Perfect Supreme Being.
4. "3" isn't true.
5. Late Addition (also adding to the point made in "4") - I spelled Taloo
wrong again. It's Tulum. Right? Hm.
I Want You To Want Me : Back in Hollywood, Tina and Jenny are
auditioning girls for the coveted role of "Jessie" in the action-adventure
thriller musical romantic comedy of the summer (probs the
biggest comedy of the summer), "Lez Girls." Nikki, who looks almost
exactly like Tish from Tim Haspel's swim team, is gonna get the part, I
remember her from the preview. She really steps it up for her audition by
sucking face with the woman who's reading as "Karina."
Lesbian Sexy Moment #10: You Kiss Me Like a Lover Then You Sting me
Like A Viper
The Players : Nikki and "Karina"
The Pick Up : "I hate you so much Karina, I absolutely hate you, I
really .... I love you ... I love you." (sidenote: I love that this scripted
pick-up line, read in the context of an audition, is one of the most
Hot or Not? Hot like Fire baby. I wouldn't mind being a part of this
moment -- and Nikki's a good kisser, going for open-mouth w/tongue on her
first shot. I like that in a woman.
Haviland : Ye-yuh!
Riese : [to Hav] Has that ever happened to you in an audition?
Haviland : Um ... no.
Alex: It should!
The First Rule Of Fight Club is Always Look Cute at Fight Club : In
Season Five of The L Word, the girls suddenly acquire copious amounts of
free time to spend all together, which's fine, that's how teevee friends
always are, and it's kinda like Season One, a.k.a., when this show was good.
Love it! This time last season, the Mannyfucker was giving Mangus a beejer
but now: the girls're all in shorts & tank tops touching each other and
expressing their copious amounts of feelings via punching, hair-strokage,
and frontal sumo grips. A lot of exposition happens in this scene, I'd like
to cover it all but Hav thinks I spend too much time on recaps so I'm
resisting the urge to detail every moment. Also, we're in Miami, I need a
tan. I wonder if Shane's turned on by straddling that thing.