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:: L O O K  O U T !  H E R E  T H E Y  C O M E ! ::

#5.02 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.



Our Sentiments Exactly!

So um ... Episode 502 ... was ... good? Not bad. Yup. Yeah. No big complaints. It wasn't an Emmy-award winning stunner -- not a spectacularly mind-blowingly ridiculous hour of HOT SEX AND PURE POETRY (e.g., 114- The Season One Finale, 305 -Alice-Uta Vampire Sex & Cherie-Shane Pool Sex, 112 -Dinah Shore Weekend, 205 -When Dana & Alice Do It, 406- The Phone Chain & Poker Sex Spree) -- but it was ... a'ight. A solid 50 minutes of soapy television goodness with semi-believable dialogue and a number of very amusing moments. I laughed, I cried [actually I didn't, I only cry when Shane wants to know what's so great about feeling, Cherie, because she feels like her heart's been completely ripped out], it was marginally better than Cats . It did more or less what television is intended to do. I have no idea how to talk about it.

Have I gone mad? Am I on glue? What's happening? I like this show! I feel a little crazy right now.

This week's viewing was attended by me (obvs), Alex, Carly, and Cait (who refuses to be photographed). Haviland is in Savannah, Georgia, and according to my most recent hourly "Life of Haviland" update, Target sells cute bikinis. 'Cause I know a lot of y'all are hot for Hav, I'm gonna pepper the recap with Haviland photos from the permanent collection, based on how I imagine Hav might react if she'd been with us.
The L Word! The L Word was a real teevee show! I realised while watching it that I've stopped thinking of it as an actual dramatic television series, but more of a variety show, like The Brady Bunch Hour. I learned long ago not to grow attached to characters (they might switch personalities) or plotlines (what happened to Papi? Alice's job?) 'cause I don't trust the show to follow through, seeing as it mercilessly tosses characters into the vortex w/o explanation. There'll be skits: a core group of actors playing different characters each week & a rotating roster of big-name guest stars. Musical numbers, dancing, sexy moments, copious heaps of pool scenes, impractical & gaudy outfits (often incorporating glitter), sleek designer haircuts, some heated arguments and some slapstick. But today it has advanced from BB Variety Hour to TV Dramedy.

Love Poem Haiku for Ilene Chaiken #2
I love what you can do
when someone else writes it.
Oh Ilene: call us.

I'm adding a new feature this week. In honour of Papi, who is in a better place now, the "Really Papi Really" Award will be given each week to the most ridiculously retarded line of the episode. Also, for the newbies, a brief aside on the quote of the week -- the quote of the week is the best standalone line in the episode -- a line that doesn't need context or dialogue to shine shine shine like a roman candle. 'Cause there were a lot of awesome convos this episode, but only one "quote of the week" will go on in the race to become America's Next Top Model. Also -- every week I do a "This Week in Corrections" but so far ... no corrections have been registered. Which is too bad, I've got a cute graphic.

Let's Get it ON : The Poor Man's Stanley Tucci -- let's call him Stan, 'cause I can't track down his name and don't care -- is speakin' our language: "More lesbian sex! We want more of it! You're the one who said lesbians are always sleeping with their friends!" [After which we nearly unanimously declare "I don't know what he's talking about," while avoiding eye contact with each other.] To punctuate his point, Stanley demonstrates the scissor position with his hands, which is terrible/AWESOME.

I'm poised to attack this scene, compare it to Gomey's request in Season Two that Mark add sex to his hidden-camera doc of Shane and Jenny's luscious lives -- but um. Unfortunately. This scene. Is. good. Possibly. One of the best? Ever?

It works both on the surface and subtextually. The scene nods to the fans (we want MORE SEX), winks at the straight-male desire to just see two women gettin' it on regardless of faithfulness to the actual story (he pitches multiple improbable pairings) and also illuminates the dynamic between Jenny and Tina w/r/t this project and how Jenny feels about Tina (deep loathing) and how Tina feels about her relationship with Bette (unfinished business) and how they feel about the script (still attached to it as non-fiction). Yes. The opening scene of The L Word , Episode 2 of Season Five -- is an all-around success. And I haven't even gotten to the part where all our wildest dreams come true -- when Team Pink [I can't figure out why they've got pink scripts, it must mean something, maybe it's cause of vaginas?] tosses around some potential sex matches.

"Just think about it ... " he begins. And WE DO. We have!

Stan suggests that Bev and "the makeup artist" should hook up. Obvs this'd never happen, Bev would never fuck a sloucher. Tina objects 'cause "Bev and Nina are together!" and the "serial cheater" idea undermines the significance of her affair with "the plumber." I don't know, I feel like anyone who's had a relationship with a plumber would consider it significant.

Lesbian Sexy Moment #4: I Dreamed a Wet Dream
The Players: "Bev," "Shaun," "Nina," "Helen."
The Pick Up: Um, "Let's do something that would never happen in real life?" "Let's make all the audience's wildest dreams come true?' "Let's marry comedy gold with half-naked girls?"

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The L Word Online has been designed by Oz and Slicey.  Unique images designed by Oz.  Site maintained by Oz & Slicey.  This website is intended to be fun and informative, and was created with respect to show appreciation for the women and men involved in the creation of TV's first real lesbian drama.  This site is not endorsed, sponsored, or affiliated with Showtime Networks Inc., the television series "The L Word," or any person involved in the making of the show.  No copyright infringement is intended.  Images and other borrowed content are copyright their respective owners.  Credit is given where due.  All original content is the sole property of  the creators of The L Word Online copyright October 2003.