Our Sentiments Exactly!
So um ... Episode 502 ... was ... good? Not bad. Yup. Yeah. No big
complaints. It wasn't an Emmy-award winning stunner -- not a spectacularly
mind-blowingly ridiculous hour of HOT SEX AND PURE POETRY (e.g., 114- The
Season One Finale, 305 -Alice-Uta Vampire Sex & Cherie-Shane Pool Sex, 112
-Dinah Shore Weekend, 205 -When Dana & Alice Do It, 406- The Phone Chain &
Poker Sex Spree) -- but it was ... a'ight. A solid 50 minutes of soapy
television goodness with semi-believable dialogue and a number of very
amusing moments. I laughed, I cried [actually I didn't, I only cry when
Shane wants to know what's so great about feeling, Cherie, because she feels
like her heart's been completely ripped out], it was marginally better than
Cats . It did more or less what television is intended to do. I have no idea
how to talk about it.
Have I gone mad? Am I on glue? What's happening? I like this show! I feel a
little crazy right now.
This week's viewing was attended by me (obvs), Alex, Carly, and Cait (who
refuses to be photographed). Haviland is in Savannah, Georgia, and according
to my most recent hourly "Life of Haviland" update, Target sells cute
bikinis. 'Cause I know a lot of y'all are hot for Hav, I'm gonna pepper the
recap with Haviland photos from the permanent collection, based on how I
imagine Hav might react if she'd been with us.
The L Word! The L Word was a real teevee show! I realised while watching it
that I've stopped thinking of it as an actual dramatic television series,
but more of a variety show, like
Bunch Hour. I learned long ago not to grow attached to characters (they
might switch personalities) or plotlines (what happened to Papi? Alice's
job?) 'cause I don't trust the show to follow through, seeing as it
mercilessly tosses characters into the vortex w/o explanation. There'll be
skits: a core group of actors playing different characters each week & a
rotating roster of big-name guest stars. Musical numbers, dancing, sexy
moments, copious heaps of pool scenes, impractical & gaudy outfits (often
incorporating glitter), sleek designer haircuts, some heated arguments and
some slapstick. But today it has advanced from BB Variety Hour to TV
Love Poem Haiku for Ilene Chaiken #2
I love what you can do
when someone else writes it.
Oh Ilene: call us.
I'm adding a new feature this week. In honour of Papi, who is in a better
place now, the "Really Papi Really" Award will be given each week to the
most ridiculously retarded line of the episode. Also, for the newbies, a
brief aside on the quote of the week -- the quote of the week is the best
standalone line in the episode -- a line that doesn't need context or
dialogue to shine shine shine like a roman candle. 'Cause there were a lot
of awesome convos this episode, but only one "quote of the week" will go on
in the race to become America's Next Top Model. Also -- every week I do a
"This Week in Corrections" but so far ... no corrections have been
registered. Which is too bad, I've got a cute graphic.
Let's Get it ON : The Poor Man's Stanley Tucci -- let's call him
Stan, 'cause I can't track down his name and don't care -- is speakin' our
language: "More lesbian sex! We want more of it! You're the one who said
lesbians are always sleeping with their friends!" [After which we nearly
unanimously declare "I don't know what he's talking about," while avoiding
eye contact with each other.] To punctuate his point, Stanley demonstrates
the scissor position with his hands, which is terrible/AWESOME.
I'm poised to attack this scene, compare it to Gomey's request in Season Two
that Mark add sex to his hidden-camera doc of Shane and Jenny's luscious
lives -- but um. Unfortunately. This scene. Is. good. Possibly. One of the
It works both on the surface and subtextually. The scene nods to the fans
(we want MORE SEX), winks at the straight-male desire to just see two women
gettin' it on regardless of faithfulness to the actual story (he pitches
multiple improbable pairings) and also illuminates the dynamic between Jenny
and Tina w/r/t this project and how Jenny feels about Tina (deep loathing)
and how Tina feels about her relationship with Bette (unfinished business)
and how they feel about the script (still attached to it as non-fiction).
Yes. The opening scene of The L Word , Episode 2 of Season Five -- is an
all-around success. And I haven't even gotten to the part where all our
wildest dreams come true -- when Team Pink [I can't figure out why they've
got pink scripts, it must mean something, maybe it's cause of vaginas?]
tosses around some potential sex matches.
"Just think about it ... " he begins. And WE DO. We have!
Stan suggests that Bev and "the makeup artist" should hook up. Obvs this'd
never happen, Bev would never fuck a sloucher. Tina objects 'cause "Bev and
Nina are together!" and the "serial cheater" idea undermines the
significance of her affair with "the plumber." I don't know, I feel like
anyone who's had a relationship with a plumber would consider it
Lesbian Sexy Moment #4: I Dreamed a Wet Dream
The Players: "Bev," "Shaun," "Nina," "Helen."
The Pick Up: Um, "Let's do something that would never happen in real
life?" "Let's make all the audience's wildest dreams come true?' "Let's
marry comedy gold with half-naked girls?"