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:: L O N G  T I M E  C O M I N G ::
#4.12 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.



Because we're so cool we can barely even breathe, our finale "party" (I say "our" because even though it was "mine," really I was too drunk to be a "hostess," which is one of many reasons why I have Haviland) was graced not only by a mag-assignment-expense account (read: free food and drink) but by photographer Layla Love, who's fine work you may have spotted on Hav's website/myspace and my website/myspace. I'm not linking to myself, because this paragraph's already got about all the ego it can handle. Also I swear, I really do have a girlfriend, only apparently I WON'T if I put her in any photos. And if she is a figment of my imagination, she feels pretty fucking real.

 I have no idea when that photo was taken, but half the crowd is missing, and I'm clearly not impressed with what I see on the teevee. There's a lot of photos from this party that I don't remember being taken. Here's some more mystery photos:


The plan for auto-straddle:
1. Finish this goddamn re-cap.
2. Breathe a little bit, attend to the rest of my life and the ten bajillion things in it.
3. Do Guestbian Blog II.
4. Write some season wrap-up posts with reflections, quotes, highlights, low-lights, self-congratulatory items, etc.
5. Write a pilot for Season 5 that doesn't suck and put it here and wait.
6. Recap a Season One or Season Two episode (selected by YOU! the readers), also readers can select the costume of the day (for myself, Haviland, Heather, TB, whomevs...)
7. Stay tuned. Seriously, mind is a-churnin' with ideas for the future.

Karen phoned it in this week for Episode 12. I'm including her response at the tip-top of this re-cap because it explains the episode's title:
"I feel like I've had foreplay and sex for several months without coming."

There are also photos in this re-cap that Hav and I took of ourselves before the show, because we're weird like that. I'd explain to you which ones they are, but I think it's obvs.

Me: I'm realizing as I write this re-cap that I didn't pay attention to any of it. It's like I'm watching it for the first time. Did anyone say anything funny? Did you say anything?
TB: Um, all I remember is you were sitting on my lap.
Me: I was on your lap?
TB: [pause] Um...yeah, sitting on my lap. Right?
Me: OHHHHH ... SITTING on your lap. Oh--right. Yeah, totes.


1. We were going to order churros for the finale party, and take photos of everyone eating them. Turns out there's literally NOWHERE in Manhattan to get churros delivered. What is this bullshit? UPDATE: I totes passed a churro cart on my way to the gym today! I didn't get one. But I was like, "Hey, churro girl, what's up?'"

2. Last week I said Sixteen Candles and I meant Pretty in Pink, so then we fixed it before it went up on TLW Online. Like the pornographic films by the same titles, I sometimes get these two mixed up in my mind.

3. Ames says that the dialogue on All my Children is sometimes better than The L Word's. Actually, when I'm at the gym and I see that transgendered dude, I'm all like, what's going on and I plug in my headphones.

4. hysterectomaniacally = new word, means "laughing a lot."

Oh and, Haviland= MISS GIRL NATION 2007

How Long Have We Been Waiting for OUR Change to Come, Goddammit?
Bette is walking through some sort of balloon village. She sees Toshi Regan and gets down on her knees. That's sign language for "spread your legs, baby, and let's get it onnnnnn," unfortunately Toshi doesn't know sign language. She thinks it means "Please continue to play your song while I gaze lovingly at you." And hey, those lyrics coincidentally match the refrain playing in our heads right now as we watch this show.

The "17 reasons why" sign was on the corner of 17th and Mission Street in San Francisco until 2002, when it was replaced by a Miller Light Sign. Residents protested, because San Francisco is like that. The sign was erected in the 1930s as a slogan for the furniture-company Redlick-Newman.
Here's why, and I'm including this because the dialogue is totes L-Word worthy:

"My father developed this slogan after much study, asking everybody and their cousin," he said. "He'd gotten the idea from Heinz 57 years back. They had 57 brands of food or pickles, whatever."
The 17 did refer to the fact the store stood on the corner of 17th Street. But what were the reasons?
"People would ask what the 17 reasons were, and we would guff it off. There were no 17 reasons," he said.
-"The Truth About the 'Reasons Why' Sign," by Victoria Culver, SFE 2002

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