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:: L I T T L E  B O Y  B L U E ::
#4.10 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.
 

 

 


It's 6:17 AM on Tuesday. Circa 2AM, I was pretty certain I'd have this lovely epic up for y'all before 3AM. But then um, t.b called, and she had this really long story, like a box set? Which is usually a term used for CDs, not books, but whatever, I mean, wheee um actually, I was only planning on a novella, but She brought the whole set and what--

Right. Um--The L Word! Yes. I saw it on Sunday night. Who are these people in this photo below me? Mica from Showtime isn't speaking to me anymore, so I don't have advance DVD copies. That's fine. Once was enough. Oh also, I'm gonna be a Guestbian! (read all about it in my last post here, or my last post on my other blog, and, p.s, I'd like to thank
Slo-Green-X)

Right, this thing, A vision of ambivalence: Heather, Haviland, myself, Tara, Sara:




I WANT TO LOVE THIS SHOW. I want it to be the best of everything we could hope for: I want it to suck my dreams right out of my brain and then play them out on the screen, but in better shoes and with trendier haircuts. I want it to be a fucking masterpiece. I want every sex scene to be as raw and heartbreaking as Tina and Bette's angry-fuck from the Season One Finale or Shane walking the length of Cherie Jaffe's pool with her eye on the window where Cherrie is watching Shane, both of them hungry/giddy and genuine and hot as hell. I want every joke to be as brilliant as Jenny leaping across the desk at Curve magazine and yelling "Publishers Weekly dot com!" or the girls talking shit on the basketball court. I want poetry. I WANT 54 MINUTES OF PURE POETRY. I want the most beautiful thing anyone could ever create and still call their creation "television." Like "Six Feet Under" or "The West Wing" or whatever else is good. I don't know. I don't watch TV. I want I want I WANT. But this is what we have, so that's that!

I love these characters--honestly, in one incarnation or another, they have each captured me, but part of that is because of the story I've created in my own mind--about myself, mostly, but about them on the surface--that brings me back. It's about hanging out with my friends, and having a narrative for the friends in virtual space, which can be more visceral than one might expect.

I WANT TO LOVE THIS SHOW. I really do. But sometimes....




1. Jody/Jodi: You'd think that something like this (the spelling of the name 'Jodi') is something I could manage to execute consistently in each week's recap. I don't know why I don't. I think it's because of global warming.

2. The guy at the pool is apparently so famous that Haviland assumed I knew who he was and didn't even point it out. Gary Marshall. Directed "Pretty Woman," which Jenny references in her quote. This proves only one thing: I am not so smart, no really, you would be amazed. Don't let the number of words I write confuse you. It is 95% insanity.

3. The last director in the interview process, the one with the brilliant musical idea, is Lawrence Bender, who, according to aj in the comments from last week, "played a huge role in the careers of Quentin Tarantino and Gus van Sant." This proves only one thing: The boy who cried wolf, y'all! I mean, if Tina hadn't been credited with discovering S. Coppola, then I never would have doubted this eventual truthiness.

4. I own a churro factory.



It's an inconvenient truth all right.
This is our 345th new character of the season: Al Gore, Phyllis's new love interest. Leonard is all like, "Phil, I thought you said if you were going to be with a man again it would be with me." She's all like "Oopsie!" The bottom-banner, usually reserved to announce the premiere of the Tudors on April 1st (Want to know what I think about this little gobblediguck? Check out my review of the first episode of The Tudors), kindly informs us that the L-Word will begin at 10:15, after this thing is over.

----------------------------------------------------
Me: You know why they're doing this, right? Because we're gay.
Haviland: They wouldn't do this to Grey's Anatomy.
Me: They'd never deprive America of McDreamy. But oh, the lesbos? Whatever, here: global warming, simmer on that, lesbos.
Me: I can tell you one thing for sure. Al Gore is not a lesbian.
Haviland: There is nothing about Al Gore that is a gay lady.
Me: Can you imagine Al Gore having sex? He'd be all like uh--uh--yes, that's goood--uh--Tipper--uhhh---oh!
Haviland: Tipperrrr---Tipperr--Tip--Oh, Tip!
(ten minutes later)
Haviland: I think it's funny to say YEAH TIPPER!
Heather: Tip Her, I barely even know her!

----------------------------------------------------

I mention that Al Gore is having a Jenny moment, so Haviland does a Jenny moment. I was laughing too hard to even pay attention but it ended with "Because I'm a woman. Who likes to fuck other women. I'm interested in gay women fucking other gay women."



----------------------------------------------------
Tara: They should do it where it makes a difference, like before a show---I mean not to make a big stereotype about lesbians being politically active but----
Me: But c'mon. Lesbians believe in global warming, I mean, right? [everyone nods like: RIGHHHT]
Haviland: They should do it before like, Entourage.
Heather: Yeah, like, we obviously all know about global warming---
Haviland: At least we all know that Melissa Etheridge song.

----------------------------------------------------



Lesbian Sexy Moment #22: Whatever Rocks Your Horse, Ladies
The Players: Helena and Catherine
The Pick-Up: "We sit here and drink champagne as our horse crosses the finish line--here."
Hot or Not? At first you think Catherine is totally off her rocker and is getting Helena a tummy tuck, which would be nutso because Helena has a perfect abdominal area. Then you realize Catherine is totally off her rocker and is painting a horse track on Helena's stomach with the Sharpie she keeps on her bed stand every time she needs to create a visual aid. Oh wait. That's lipstick. I bet that's expensive lipstick she's wasting right now. Hopefully they can earn that back at the horse races. Helena was like "I'm sorry, please explain this oval of which you speak. I am only familiar with circles, which I just learned from Papi." Then it's over, before you can really decide either way.
 


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