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:: L A C Y  L I L T I N G  L Y R I C S ::
#4.9 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.
 

 

 


First of all. Please everyone go to this Our Chart page right now, and nominate me to be a Guestbian blogger at OurChart. Seriously, because otherwise it's going to be you-know-who. Also, Our Chart is up now. You can start your page, be my friend, or whatevs.

I have been told by my intern full-time caretaker that I get "fierce" in this re-cap. I just want everyone to know that no matter what I say, I love this show. Yes, I love it. I'm not afraid to say it. I must love it, right? Otherwise would I willingly watch each episode 72,000 times? And then re-cap it? Yeah. I LOVE THIS SHOWWWW! No matter how bad it is, I will still love it.


Friday Re-Cap:

Tara just called me a hater. Because I am hating on this episode. However, I DID remark that the final musical number was--and I quote--"the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life." (Yes, I'm quoting myself.) This episode was heavy on "blah blah feelings feelings" etc. If I wanted to process my emotions, I would be IN a complicated long-term high-drama relationship, I wouldn't be watching complicated high-drama relationships on television. Tara just told me I'm acting "like a guy." Then so be it. I am a guy. I am a guy who prefers more flash and cash and smash bash. Tara now would like to take that back, because she doesn't believe in a gender binary system. Word. Me neither. She says gender is fluid. Right on. You know what else is fluid? The river of tears that flowed through this episode like the river that took Moses to the people who took care of him in the story about Moses. And we all know how that story ended. Or, someone should.

Sunday Morning Re-Cap:


Okay. If Haviland, who likes this show about 20% as much as Tara and I do, enjoyed the episode, then I AM a hater. It was cute. Stuff happened. A lot of stuff happened, and there were some funny moments, and it was cute, and made me imagine a little fantasy world where, say, clouds were made of marshmallows.

So I saw it this week with Tara on Friday night, then Haviland and KIM! (guest star this week, in from the secret lesbian oasis of Reno, Nevada!!) on Sunday morning, then again with Kim right now (Sunday night, as I begin this re-cap, under the pipe dream that it will be done before I turn into a pumpkin). Maybe again at 11, who knows?



Because we could not assemble for a group photograph, I present instead, for your reference, a photo-strip of sorts, taken right here with my MacBook web-cam, which means each lady was given the same benefits of lighting, backdrop, etc.



That's Kim and Riese. Hav and Riese. Tara and Riese. Me, Me, Me, Me. Me.



1. Still about the churros. It turns out that much like corn dogs, churros are not a desert food. In fact, churros are large sticks of vegan sausage, native to the Ukraine and re-invented in the 1950s by the Beat Movement and the movie "Rebel Without a Cause." In 2002, the lesbian boarding school film, "Miss Mary's Academy for Sinners," exchanged its NC-17 rating for a PG-13 when they replaced a girl-on-girl hand-holding scene with a short clip of the protagonist, Becky Dimple, giving a blowjob to a large vegan sausage while an ambiguously ethnic girl in astronaut pants stood above her and chanted "Who's your Papi?"

2. I spelled Mallorca wrong, but then I fixed it. So that doesn't really count.

3. I am PERFECT.



Dance Your Cares Away, Worries for Another Day, Let the Music Play.....
This is a cross between a CAKE party, a Victoria's Secret Angels Fashion Show, a Cirque Du Soleil performance and that "INDUSTRY! ENERGY!" scene from "Beaches." If you think about, like, the world--like, in general? This scene is not so unpleasant to rest one's eyes upon. Not one bit. Totally weird, fo' sure, but this show is essentially the most random thing on television.



And Just Like That. I'm Jenny's Girl. Yes, I'm Gonna Be Jenny's Girl.
Tina is taking Jenny on a series of meetings with potential producers for "Lez Girls." I swear to God, people, the portrayal of the publishing world in this storyline is so flawed it's almost criminal. A book usually goes 2 years between contract signing and publication, not like, 2 weeks. And her payment schedule...ok. NM. I could go on. But I won't. Because no one cares but me.

Tina is taking Jenny on a series of meetings with potential producers for "Lez Girls."

From the Desk of: Tina Kennard
Subject: Req. for Producers of Lez Girls
1. Male
2. Wants to see two lesbians naked really bad
3. Considers this desire semi-groundbreaking.
4. Uses the word "groundbreaking" almost as much as the word "edgy."
5. Expresses absolutely horrifying ignorance of basic facts of the movie industry; e.g., that the MPAA wouldn't mind homosexual sex between women because there is no penetration or spermification. This is very much not true.
6. Inspire me to make comments like: "Your films are very visual."

So FYI, re: the MPAA's feelings about lesbian sex: from the website of "This Film is Not Yet Rated"

"1999 - Kimberly Pierce's Oscar nominated "Boys Don't Cry" is rated NC-17. Moments from a tender love scene have to be cut. Pierce asserts that these frames unnerved raters not because of gratuitous graphic content, but because both characters are female.

1999 - In order to receive an R instead of an NC-17, Jamie Babbit removes a scene where a fully clothed female masturbates from her film "But I'm a Cheerleader." Also in 1999, the R-rated "American Pie" is released. Even the "American Pie" trailers include scenes of a male teenager masturbating."


Anyhow. This guy has an idea where people will be like, "We've never seen anything like it? What is this?" because it's two girls fucking. Which is hard to identify. For the ten million Americans watching girl-on-girl porn right now. Oh wait. Never mind. That's not the same kind of fucking. Whatever, this guy is a douchebag. He also wants them to really go at it in reality--he suggests: "Would it be interesting if they were really having sex?" Which makes him the 15th straight man to express that desire within the last millisecond.



---------------------------------------------
Kim: "Even with her sunglasses on, you can see the hate in her eyes."
---------------------------------------------

Also, not only did I love Crazy/Beautiful, but I actually also own it. Yes, not only do I love it, I la-la-la-la-love it. But was it a "great film"? An amazing film? (As it is, according to Tina). No, it was just an entertaining film. Jenny is seriously not into his theories. Tina is concerned about the differences between what he's describing and pornography. He says it's that porn doesn't have a story. And "this has a GREAT story." Right. GREAT STORY. Anyhow, speaking of GREAT STORIES, we have 245 more happening this season, so we'd best move on to the next snippet of story development, aka the next "scene" ....
 


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