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:: L E X I N G T O N  & C O N C O R D ::
#4.8 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.



A Prelude to a Re-Cap


Written on Friday, February 23, 2007: This morning I cried on the phone to DHL because my press DVD was supposed to arrive on February 16th, and clearly that didn't happen. I told the operator I didn't trust her and I knew she was lying to me. This clearly has been a high-stress day. In fact, DHL forced me to spend the entire afternoon under house arrest waiting for their leisurely arrival. I had to cancel things. I pulled my hair out, put on a Cher wig, and sang dirges while decorating the grave of my dead Demon-Dog, Old Yeller. When the delivery-person arrived, I said "I want your fingers inside of me." She looked like the UPS girl that came to Shane's that one time.

SO because it's Friday, and because the Episode 8 DVD finally arrived: Tara and I got good and baked and watched "The L Word Episode 8: L'Random Fucking Reference to a Town I Once Lived in in Massachusetts" and though I'm not certain that we are clear-headed enough to say for certain that we are not hallucinating, we believe we just watched several sex scenes in a row, and we feel a bit like two alcoholics who've been dry for two years and then in one night we've somehow consumed 15 mojitos and a bottle of Smirnoff (each). It's as if every last sexual moment that had been wrung so mercilessly from the rest of the season has been re-deposited into this episode. I am feeling somewhat damp. Tara's been in the bathroom for a long time.

In Episode 407, "Life Lesson Number One," I fucked up three times:
1. Kit did not say "hot. I'm a high hoe" or "high hoe the dairy-o," she said "high. i was a high hoe."
2. Papi is not eating a corn dog. She is eating a churro. The thing is though, wasn't my corn dog joke funny? But then my number one fan Kristen sent me an e-mail explaining the importance of this mistake, and I saw that she was right, and so here it is:

"Papi's choice of breakfast food was only something that FURTHER tries to convince us viewers that she really is Mexican...... It was not a corn dog (like herself/character)... it was in actuality a CHURRO. Do you remember those from elementary school? We used to pay 50 cents at my school for a dough stick with cinnamon sprinkled on it. Anyhow, a churro is a super common Mexican food. Shit, I even think Taco Bell has them. The fact that Papi got them from the Mexican food truck only emphasizes how hardcore Papi is in the morning... bitch eats Mexican dessert!"

3. Heather's friend did not give a blow job for a hot dog, she gave a blow job for a taco.

This week's episode of "The West Wing" is called "Lexington and Concord." In this episode, President Bartlett gets word that Leo has fired the shot heard round the world, and guest star Marlee Matlin seduces Josh Lyman with her wily sign-languaged ways.

This week's episode of "The L Word" is called "Lexington and Concord." I once lived in Concord, Massachusetts. That's the home of the Old North Bridge, where the Revolutionary War started. You know, the shot heard round the world? I know that because I enjoyed dressing up as Paul Revere and galloping around the house announcing the arrival of the British. Lexington and Concord played soccer together. I was the only girl on the boys team. That's really all I can tell you about the title without having to open a new search window. As for what it has to do with this TV show, I don't know.

The costume of the day was "Tupperware Party"/Classic Housewife:

You can't really see my dress, but it was pinstriped and poofy. If you think that's depressing, how's this: This week's blog is not as funny as last week's. Laugh a little just to be polite.

First, a tip for those of you playing along at home:
The 'Quote of the Week' is intended to survive as a standalone entity. E.g. "Are you black?"--though possibly one of the funniest and most unexpected jokes of the season--requires context (and Leisha Hailey's genius delivery) to truly shine with it's full potential--but I do often award Quote of the Week to a conversation rather than a line. Beyond that all I can say is I know it when I see it. Sometimes. I'm
slightly obsessed with quotes and I've been keeping track of my favorites from The L Word since before you were born, so this is just like, how it is. Or whatever.

BACK, L to R: Jen, Riese, Sara, Jamie
FRONT, L to R: Megan, Heather, Haviland

In every photo we took, someone looks semi-awful, so I thought I'd pick the photo where we were trying to look semi-awful. At least; I hope we were.

This week's viewing was attended by myself, Haviland, Heather, Sara, Jamie, Jen, Yana and Megan. Yana didn't want to be in the group photograph, so I was like "Um, Heather, she knows that I'm gonna go onto her myspace and find a photo of her and put it on the blog if she refuses to be in the group photo, right?" Heather was like "Yeah, obvs." Or not, maybe, but whatev:

Did anyone else feel like this week's episode was directed by Steven King?

Lindsay, Where Are You? I Can't Find You. I'm Afraid of the Light, Lindsay. I'm Afraid of the Light.

This is Little Jenny Schecter, but her friends at the hospital call her "Debbie." Debbie talks to herself and masturbates with sporks. Debbie likes gardening. Every morning she brings flowers to her dead dog, Sounder. In her sleep, she makes little cooing noises, like a baby bird. She goes "Merkin"--"Merkin"--

Jenny has gone completely apeshit. Whatever, this is a dream sequence, but for Jenny, what's the difference? At least she's finally wearing a nightgown to a nightgown-related event, instead of to like, a feminist store release opening Betty concert. She asks Sounder "Am I gonna rot in hell?" Um, Jews don't believe in hell, fucktard. But--if they did--you're really pushing it, dear. Maybe you really should save a sick dog. Like, for real this time.

Haviland: Are we in The Labyrinth?
Heather: Because that would be awesome.
Haviland: I love David Bowie.

Then Sounder's arm juts out of the garden and snags Jenny, which reminds me a little of Fraggle Rock.

Heather: Pet Cemetery was the scariest movie ever and it scarred me for life.

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