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:: L E Z  G I R L S ::
#4.5 Recap by The Sci-Fi Bard

 

 

Printer Friendly Word Version


Ok folks, so I know I usually drone on about this and that before I start each weeks' reviewcap but just for a change I thought I WON'T. Simple reason being = the episodes have been SO good recently, I don't NEED to fill in time babbling on here to fill up space and make this recap interesting! ;-) So, without further ado, here we go!

Fade up on:

"Previously on The L Word..."

You know the drill - I'm NOT recapping a recap.....

Fade up on:

A rather disconcerting scene. Though I'm sure it will be disconcerting for different people for different reasons....The sound of a loud, slow heartbeat is heard as we see Max in front of a full length mirror. All around him it's black - no room, no furniture. Is this a dream? A nightmare? The heartbeat gets faster and faster. We see him slowly undress until he's down to his underpants. He removes the dong from them and then removes the pants as well. 'He' stands there, fully nude, and is still very obviously a woman in all the right places. Or 'wrong' places, if you are him. He looks at 'his' reflection without any obvious emotion. But he's obviously not pleased with what he sees staring back at him.

Fade up on:

OPENING TITLES!

"Girl's in tight dresses who drag with moustaches
Chicks driving fast, ingénues with long lashes..."

Fade up on:

Angus dropping off Angelica to Hazel. Oh Angus, in the words of Will Young, "I think you better leave right now, before you fall any deeper..." Hazel (unsurprisingly) invites Angus in and he declines (YAY!) as he's had a sucky day. Hazel is disappointed, as she says, "I hoped you'd give me a lesson playing guitar" Only the way she says it, it sounds more like "I hoped you take me roughly against the kitchen sink. TWICE"

Cut to:

Tom (Jodi Lerner's interpreter) chatting up a male student on campus. Bette comes along, interrupting his patter and walks past him to say hi to Jodi herself. Now, usually I love whatever Bette wears in this show. The woman is stylish as all get out, but on this occasion she seems to be wearing a combination STRAIGHT out of the late 80's! I SWEAR to you, I have a picture of me somewhere where I'm wearing that EXACT same white blouse done up to the neck and that EXACT same brooch with chains combo between the collars! I may also be wearing the same skirt as Bette too in it, but my lips are sealed as to whether that's the case, as I have to protect my Ellen-esque reputation for comfy trousers and t shirts etc. Anyhoo, IF I catch Ilene Chaiken going through my old photo albums for style tips in future, I'll let you know...

"Are you still sleeping with Nadia?" says Jodi without the aid of Tom.

Bette is rather taken aback and quickly plays dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about" she replies.

It's funny isn't it, how anyone who's asked something which insinuates their guilt ALWAYS says that. We should really try and be more imaginative with our lies don't you think? ;-)

Bette states that Jodi "shouldn't believe everything she hears" and Jodi (through Tom) signs that she "sees a lot more than" she hears. Bette realises her error and apologizes, but still denies Jodi's roundabout accusation. Jodi seems genuinely concerned for Bette though and cites the fact that she herself wasn't always the wisest judge when it comes to teacher/pupil relationships in her previous job at Columbia Uni. Tom does the Time Out sign and adds that "Britney was a Big BIG mistake!" Bette looks surprised and adds smugly, "Britney? I see...." Turns out this Britney was a grad student Jodi had an affair with, who then turned her senior thesis into a life-size sculpture of Jodi NAKED. "But she should have made my breasts bigger" signs Jodi to an amused and clearly captivated Bette. Bette says she'll try and be more careful than Jodi, to which Jodi halts her quickly, saying, "Ohhh don't be TOO careful - that's dreary!"

LOL! Gotta say, LOVIN' Jodi so far folks!

Bette thanks her sincerely for the advice and tells her she'll see her at Phyllis' benefit thingy the next day.

Cut to:

Poor poor Sounder who is still lying on the examination table in the vets' while The Lying Biatch That IS Jenny & Her Ego stands there STILL calling Sounder a "he" and agonizing over whether putting her to sleep is the only thing they can do. I have no idea if The Lying Biatch That IS Jenny & Her Ego is actually concerned over the poor mutt or if it's just part of her act. She's lied so much up to this point it's anyone's guess! Lindsay thinks it's the right thing to do and prepares the syringe. She talks calmly to Sounder, reassuring her as she slowly injects the fatal dose.
The Lying Biatch That IS Jenny & Her Ego stands behind her with her hand over her mouth at the awful scene she's having to witness.

Well Ms Schecter, YOU wanted to do this. YOU made your duplicitous bed, and now you bloody well better lie in it or I hope the ghost of this poor dog comes back and haunts you for what you've done!!!

Sounder's eyes finally close and Lindsay strokes her fur:

"You gave her a wonderful life Debbie"
"No I didn't" replies The Lying Biatch That IS Jenny & Her Ego, TRUTHFULLY for once
L: "Yes you did!"
"No, I didn't" insists The Lying Biatch That IS Jenny & Her Ego.

Soooo, does having done this to the poor dog make Jenny see the error of her ways? Does she come clean and tell Lindsay the truth about who she is? Is the Pope a Buddhist? Er, no.

Lindsay then compounds the car wreck that is this situation unfolding by offering to take The Lying Biatch That IS Jenny & Her Ego out to dinner to "celebrate Sounder and have a drink in her honor". Unsurprisingly, Jenny agrees. FORESHAME SCHECTER!!!! FORESHAME!!!!!!

Cut back to:

Angus teaching Hazel how to play guitar. She's sitting on the sofa and he comes to sit behind her and guides her hand, showing her how to strum. I have NO illusions that this woman DOESN'T already know how to strum, if you catch my drift ;-) ;-) ;-)
*purrrrrrrrrrr*
Their faces are 'dangerously close to one another', and they fall into a kiss. The guitar is discarded and before you know it, Hazel's on the floor in front of Angus, stripping off her shorts! Ok, who guessed Hazel would be wearing a G String? (No pun intended btw) She kneels down and starts unbuttoning Angus' fly. Angus, meanwhile, is clearly thinking that Christmas/ Hanukkah / Easter and many other holidays besides have all come at once. Cause he's about to as well! ;-) ;-) ;-)
*PURRRRRRRRRRRRR*

Cut to:

Shane listening to music on headphones. She says to Kit it's good, which means it's obviously Kit and Angus' duet. "I haven't played it for Angus yet He's been so down on himself lately!" says Kit. Don't worry Kit, someone else is DOWN on him at the moment......
MEEEEEOW!!!!
;-)

Shay, who is sitting with them, asks if he can listen too. Both Shane and Kit say no way, as it's too "nasty". LOL! Poor Shay, what a dull life he must lead! Shane even stops him itching up inside his plaster cast with a table knife! Awww c'mon Shane!!!! I remember when I fractured my ankle in school! The cast itched like a BIATCH!!! Throw the boy a bone will ya, tough sis! ;-)

Papi then appears, calling Kit "Beautiful" and Shane "Vanilla" yet again. She mentions they never got to finish their basketball game, and Shane says she's not much of a player anyway. "No shit! But we gotta do something, cause this problem is unresolved!" says Papi, leaving Kit and Shane bemused as to what she's going on about. So Papi explains: "Let me break this down for you Now that YOU'RE in my solar system, I can't have you dimming my stars and shit!" Who the crap does this conchita think she is?! Stephen Sapphic Hawking or something!!! LMAO! Papi relents and says she's just kidding, then leaves, making sure Shane and her are "good" before she goes. Honestly, if that woman was a goat she'd need to be on top of Mount Everest before she was happy......

Cut to:

Phyllis and Alice arriving at Alice's place. It's pretty clear that Phyllis is being overly-clingy and that Alice wants her space, but can't seem to get away from the other woman. She goes to check on Helena as a means of abating the Phyllis-attention. In the kitchen, Helena has prepared a veritable banquet of nibbles and hors-d'oeuvres for Phyllis' fundraiser. Alice uses the space in there to stand as far away from Phyllis as possible, while the other woman pretends to listen to Helena while actually paying ALL her attention to Alice. Alice even offers to help Helena but Phyllis whips her away and into the bedroom before you can say "vibrator!". Alice is thrown on the bed as Phyllis undresses:

"WOW, cool your jets there Phyllis! Don't you wanna take a shower or something?!"
Phyllis: *sniffing her own armpit* "Why? Do I need one?!"

LMAO!

Phyllis says she has a surprise for Alice, and takes a parcel out from behind one of Alice's pillows. Alice shakes it, "It doesn't sound like a diamond necklace...." she teases. Turns out it's a copy of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman. I myself have a copy of this book, but it's disappeared. I think one of my friend's husbands has 'borrowed' it. Put it this way, it's NOT on my lesbian bookshelf anymore! (Btw, a lesbian bookshelf is almost exactly the same as a heterosexual bookshelf, except 9 out of 10 times it's a shelf we've made ourselves with our very own power tools *weg*)
 


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