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:: L A Y U P ::
#4.4 Recap by The Sci-Fi Bard



Printer Friendly Word Version

So folks...

They say things go in cycles and circles. What goes around comes around. Six degrees of separation and all that. Everything is connected at a cosmic level. Well, I'm beginning to believe that's true y'know.

For example:
This week's ep is written by Elizabeth Ziff.
This week's episode is VERY funny.
I've been told that I, myself, am VERY funny.
I, myself, will be attending The L Festival
At The L Festival, Betty will be rockin' the show.
One of the rockin' members of Betty is Elizabeth Ziff.

I rest my case.
Spooky, eh? ;-)

*in an Ellen DeGeneres style* AAAAAANYWAAAAAAAY....

Fade up on:
"Previously on The L Word..." Have you been paying attention folks? Good! Cause I AIN'T recappin' a recap for ya ;-)

Fade up on:
Alice. She's in bed (we only see her from the neck up during this intro part) and is directing someone as to what to DO as they DO her. e.g. "Left, left! NO! You're OTHER left! Now do circles.....OH YEAH! BIGGER circles!..." Her eyes keep rolling up into the back of her head with pleasure and she's all sweaty from all the sex she's having. She's frantically issuing sexual instruction tips to someone we can't see, but we do hear them murmuring (no pun intended) in agreement/pleasure at what she's asking them to do. She gets more and more worked up/excited (oh, you KNOW what I mean ladies! After all, our middle finger IS our friend *weg*) until she eventually comes hard, yelling out "FUUUUUUUCK!" Exhausted, she lays there in the afterglow, "OH that was goood!" and the duvet moves, revealing the person who's just brought her off.

It's Phyllis!!!!

She flops down next to Alice and both lay there panting and grinning. Mmmmm, now I'm LIKE the start of THIS episode ALREADY!!!!!

Fade up on:
"Girl's in tight dresses who drag with moustaches, Chicks driving fast, ingénues with long lashes...Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, I love being spanked and tied up and then bitten.....” Which reminds me: Julie Andrews in The L Word - you KNOW it'd make sense! ;-)

Fade up back on:
Post-coital Phyllis and Alice.

"Did you orgasm?!" enthuses Phyllis endearingly.
"Phyllis, for future reference, when a girl you're fucking screams really loud and then goes completely limp like that, it's a pretty good indication you made her come..." assures Alice with a grin.

Is it me, or does Phyllis' chin/mouth look reeeally very dry... Perhaps a dab or two of face cream would have added to the reality of the scene? L Word continuity people, TAKE NOTE! ;-) Phyllis positively GLOWS, leaning up on one elbow, looking down at Alice she gushes on about how "amazing it is to make a woman come!"

OOOOOH I couldn't agree with you more Phyllis!
*utterly lascivious smile*

Alice asks her bedmate cautiously if she's ever made HERSELF come. Phyllis says of course, but, "that was mere necessity. THIS is PLEASURE. Pure, unadulterated PLEASURE"

Oh my!

*listens to Cybill Shepard say that last line over and over and over, cause it makes my tummy do lil back flips*



To all those of you out there who find the idea of Alice taking an older woman like Phyllis to bed DISGUSTING (and I KNOW some of you DO exist! I read the message boards/comments sections y'know!) you should all be ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! If you can't see the allure, the beauty and passion locked up in a woman JUST because you focus on how many wrinkles she has, then I truly pity you. I'd bed Phyllis in a heartbeat! (Well, I'd probably have to ask my girlfriend if it was ok first, and then make sure Alice wasn't around, oh and also Phyllis' it may take longer than one heartbeat)

Phyllis says this is what she's been dreaming and fantasizing about forever! Alice flips her over so she's on top and they exchange sexy banter, until Phyllis flips back so she's on top, then growls playfully:

"I want to be 'The Professor'!!!!"
*cue much giggling and more sex*

Cut to:
Shay, who's about to leave the house for school. He gives Shane a note from school that he forgot to give her a few days ago. It's for a Back To School night, which Shane isn't sure she can attend for several reasons. Shay just stands there and looks hopeful.

Cut to:
Jenny, who is sitting waiting in the middle of an animal shelter. She's surrounded by cages of poor unwanted dogs, and if she so much as THINKS of 'rescuing' a dog JUST so she can get to see the Vagina Wig's (Stacy) girlfriend, I will loose any and all of the respect for her which has accumulated since she came back from therapy at the beginning of season 3!!! She's obviously given a false name, as the woman who comes along with a dog for her calls her "Debbie". ACK! Can she not get along for 5 minutes without lying or generally being self-obsessed in some way!!! Turns out the dog she's going to have is a sweety called Sounder. The woman explains that Sounder is nearly 11, has cataracts, tumours under her fur and is incontinent, but that it shouldn't be a problem for "Debbie" considering how many older dogs she's taken in over the years. Good god. Jenny must have outdone herself in the porky pie department with this one! She probably came on like a Mother Teresa for pooches! Jenny pretends to take all this info in her stride, but obviously doesn't give two hoots about Sounder as the woman explains Sounder's a she and Jenny keeps calling her a boy! If this keeps up I'm gonna call Jenny a biatch in a moment. Doggie Woman thinks "Debbie" is a marvel for taking in old dogs to care for them in their final days.

"Well, ALL sentient beings deserve to die surrounded by love!" comments Jenny cheerfully.


At which point, Sounder throws up all over Jenny's nice black pumps. WHAT. A. SHAME. Oh and btw, DO dogs eat pea soup? Cause that's what it looked like..... (Continuity people, take note yet again!)

Cut to:
The Planet.

Alice is discussing women with Papi. Did I mention that Alice says "Papi" like, "Poppy"? So don't forget folks, when you are using her "Really Papi, really?!" line from ep 2 you actually have to say it thus:


K, then.....

Alice is telling Papi about the fact she slept with a much older woman (Phyllis, not that she names her) and discusses trying new things and being open to new experiences. Papi says that's fine, but she should make sure this new woman isn't married etc cause that can turn out badly. Alice wants to know where the best place to pick up women is, for her radio listeners and so Papi tells her: It's a basketball game that happens every Sunday at West Hollywood Park. Papi never leaves there without AT LEAST one woman.

Wow, that's SOME action there mija!

Alice thinks that sounds hot, what with all the sweaty girls who'd be there etc. Papi says she can even get Alice into a game, but it'd be easier if Alice brought her own team. Alice is enthusiastic about that, but the way she says, "my friends and I, we could make a little team!" makes her sound SO white and makes her group of friends sound SO like a sewing circle rather than a sports team, that it's no wonder Papi scoffs at the idea,

"What ya gonna call your team? The Bougy-Ass girls!?"
Alice: *with attitude* "NO. More like the 'Kick-Your-Ass girls!"


The two have a go at each other, mocking each other's chances at the game. Papi wants Alice to make sure and bring "Vanilla Spice" with her... or Shane, as we call her. Or as Papi calls her, "Shame". Oh dear, this looks like it might get ug-ly ladies ;-)

Cut to:
Phyllis, walking in slow-mo down a corridor at UC. Andy Williams is singing Music To Watch Girls By as she checks out all the girls/women she passes. She has the smile on her face of a woman who has finally had her fantasies fulfilled and is seeing everything in a new light. A light that makes every woman she passes seem alluring, radiant and gorgeous. If she were a guy, she'd be strutting down the corridor like John Travolta at the start of Saturday Night Fever! Confident, alive, glowing! Then Bette stops her in her tracks (the music also stops, as if someone knocked the needle off the record! lol!), ceasing her reverie. Bette says good morning and Phyllis replies thus:

"OH Bette! GOOD MORNING! LOVELY day, isn't it! NO! - ASTOUNDING day. ABSOLUTELY life-altering..."

Bette, somewhat surprised at Phyllis' sudden love of sunny weather, agrees with her and comments that she looks different - has she done something with her hair perhaps? No Bette, she's just shagged a woman for the first time. It involved much less hairspray and much more FOREPLAY. Bette mentions she has to show round some guy who's an important donor to the university. She's going to take him to a sculpture room where artist-in-residence, Jodi Lerner does her class. Phyllis reminds her that he's very conservative and to not show him anything controversial etc Bette's not happy about having to 'censor' what this guy sees, but it's a necessary evil if they want his money.

She again comments that Phyllis looks amazing, different etc. Phyllis stands there obviously bursting to tell Bette about being with Alice the previous night, but Bette walks off to get to work, so the other woman calls after her, happily,

"I just hope I don't end up on OurChart!"

Bette turns and starts to inform Phyllis that you can't get on the chart unless you've..... THEN the penny drops as to why the Chancellor is so happy. Phyllis walks off with a wave and a smile a mile wide while Bette walks off swearing to herself. Oh isn't life just awfully fun AND complicated Bettina! ;-)

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