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:: L A Y U P ::
#4.4 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.



This week's episode, Layup, was like a sandwich where the bread is really good overpriced 7-grain whole wheat and the meat is like, Kung Pao Chicken from the dumpster behind Empire Corner and the lettuce is actually from our last fresh direct order, which was in 2006. If that metaphor is confusing to you because you don't eat sandwiches (which is fine because I don't either, they don't make sandwiches at Empire Corner), then I will explain it to you like this: the beginning (Alice in bed) and the end (basketball) of this episode were brilliant high-fiber goodness and the middle was basically E Coli.


This week I watched the program in Nyack with Haviland and our number one PL, Karen. ("PL" is "Power Lesbian" in Mavinglish, and probably a lot of other languages too). This means we were in Karen's beautiful house in our bathrobes, watching "The L Word" and drinking those mini-bottles of Poland Spring after a lovely dinner. Who could ask for anything more?

At one point in this ep, I LOLed more than I have ever LOLed before.

First I would like to share this photograph with you:

Who are those girls? They are not Alice Pieszecki of the Chart Pieszecki. They are not Nadia, Brooke, or any of the other 7 bazillion random characters being introduced in Season Four. They are not my friends, who always are like "Riese, can we come over and put on wifebeaters and play in your shower and get all wet then you can take photos of us?" They are not even characters on "The L Word," though they probably watch "The L Word," and if they are reading this right now, that would maybe be the most awesome thing to ever happen to me in my whole life. Also if they are I want you to know that I will take you on a date for Valentines Day. I will take you to Long John Silvers. Do you like hush puppies? Good, me neither. Who are these girls?

They are students at Mount Holyoke, the alleged University attended by Brooke, Max's lady-love. If you go to the Mt. Holyoke webpage, you can see a slideshow from their sailing trip, which includes a lot more females being drenched in water while wearing minimal clothing, e.g. bikinis. It looked like a lot of fun, very educational.

According to, Mount Holyoke is "lesbian/bisexual heaven." Furthermore, "it's taken for granted that no one will graduate without at least some same-sex interaction--at least a kiss." I just want you all to keep that in mind......

Can I just say that every time I see this empty motorcycle seat, and then Alice's sort of "I wish I was running over EZ GIRL in this motorcycle" smile, it's like someone is hitting me in the stomach with a tennis ball, but not an actual tennis ball, like, a ghost of a tennis ball? Do you know what I mean? I wish they would just get rid of the motorcycle scene altogether, because it's so obvious something is missing. This isn't Six Feet Under. If it was, it would have much better character development. Just sayin'.

Dear Ilene Chaiken,

Thank You for this opening scene. It was lovely, like whole wheat bread.

Love, Riese.

My Friend Karen: Wouldn't it be funny if Bruce--Bruce what's-his-name? From Moonlighting? Popped up right now. Just lookin' at Cybill's ass?

Alice: Welcome to the Wonderful World of Disney!

Lesbian Sex Moment #2: The Circle of L'ife
The Players: Alice and Phyllis
The Pick-Up: I have no idea...maybe like, "I've never been with a woman before, I just wouldn't know what on earth to do!" and then Alice, because she is smart, thinks: "A-ha! This is what they taught me in the Gay Agenda. I must give her the skills to be a firm and supple warrior. OK Grasshopper, put your mouth on my clitoris--" Or whatevs.
Hot or Not?: Alice is actually the new star of "The L Word," P.S. Which means this is Jesus Starfuckin' A' Christ Just Like That yeah that's good okay okay okay teeth are good HOT!

Karen: She's playin' with her Minnie Mouse....til she gets Goofy?

Also Dear I.C,

Thank You Also For This.

Love and Other Indoor Sports,

Shay is the new Sharon Glass!!! His shirt says "Don't Blame Me, Blame my Parents." That will be good to wear to his first therapy session. Because you know, ultimately, he will obtain some of the psychological problems he said he didn't have last episode. (Yet)

Jenny looks cute here. Like Little Debbie. She's like "Don't worry Marina, I'm bringing you a big box of Oatmeal Creme Pies and your favorite Zebra Cakes and then you can lick them off my breasts, which you used to be able to see every Sunday night in the opening credits." Or: "I'd like to make a vet appointment." Whatevs.

Haviland: Wait--why is she getting a dog?
Karen: For sex.

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