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Isn't the internet a wonderful thing folks?
It lets all us L Word fans, all over the world, join together and talk/read
about the show.
Those who can't see the show can catch up by reading reviews and recaps
(like this one) and those of us rabid enough can find out things that may
happen with the dreaded 'spoilers'.
I'm banging on about this for one simple reason:
the other day I got an email from someone in Korea of all places, thanking
me for writing my reviews and saying they made him/her (they didn't leave a
name) laugh, which was much needed, as they are experiencing a hard time at
the moment, Well, Mr/Miss Korea, wherever you may be right now, I think
you'll like episode 3, as it's PACKED to the Dr Martens with laughs!
So sit back, put your feet up and have a tissue handy hun....cause you may
just laugh so hard you pee your pants! ;-)
Fade up on:
A 'previously on The L Word' montage.
Last weeks' ep. Rewatch it, or don't. ;-)
Fade up on:
Slow blues played on a saxophone.
We're in black and white folks as Jenny comes along, looking up at a row of
apartments, a LA West Side Story.
It then all goes a bit like Season 2 with the GOD AWFUL annoying arty-farty
ep intros. Jenny stands there and shouts up desperately at the apartments:
"STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYYYYY!"
Btw, this bit has NO bearing or relation to anything else on this episode.
Why oh why couldn't they have just had her standing there, in glorious
technicolour, shouting up for Stacy? WHY OH WHY the need to be so arty and
annoying in this show???? (WE find out later in the ep that Jenny DID go and
shout up at Stacy's apartment for real, so that wasn't a dream or anything)
WHY the need for such an film noir opening on what is otherwise a very very
funny and entertaining episode is BEYOND me. Anyhoo, rant over.
Fade up on:
OPENING TITLES!
"this is the way that we, way that we liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive
and loooooooooooooooooooooooove!"
The gods help me, but I actually found myself selecting the theme tune to go
on the IPOD nano I got for my Birthday the other week! Betty must be winning
me over......Oh the horror. ;-)
Fade up on:
Bette checking out the looooooooooong and lovely legs of Nadia as she
searches through some filing. Oh Bette, are you weakening? ARE YOU Bette?
ARE YOU? They discuss college business and Ms Porter makes the (probably
Freudian) mistake of absentmindedly massaging her sore neck with one hand
while they talk. Much like a whippet out of a trap, Nadia is ONTO the
weakness in a nanosecond!
"You have a knot? Want me to unlock it?"
Lickety-split, she's got her hands on Bette's shoulders/neck and is working
away: "OH WOW! You are REALLY tight!"
(I know, have you SEEN Jennifer Beals' ass! Mmmmmm *weg*) In her defence,
Bette does try to protest that she doesn't need any help, but let's face it
folks, it's a pretty weak series of:
"No, no really, you don't have to...."'s.
HARDLY with conviction OR convincing. Ohhhhhhh you KNOW you want it Bette
;-)
Nadia then stops and gushes about a massage guy she once had. Bette stutters
that she'd prefer a woman, which of course shuts them both up with its'
double entendre message. hehe! Nadia pauses, looks Bette straight in the eye
and says - meaning DRIPPING from her lips: "Well, that can be ARRANGED Dean
Porter......" Adoringly, Bette is having a hard time coping with all this
barrage of loaded attention from her gorgeous and sexy (and obviously
UTTERLY 'up for it!') TA and she has to grasp for words so as not to sit
there looking like a dumbstruck teenager! An embarrassedly-flustered Bette
is, btw, an amazingly adorable one ;-) Nadia lets slip in the conversation
that the last Dean slept with BOTH his TAs!
(Btw, Nadia is now perched on the corner of Bette's desk, skirt up to her
neck, much like the archetypal naughty secretary...)
"Well, that doesn't make it acceptable" says Bette of the last Dean's
behaviour.
"We're all ADULTS, Bette......" counters Nadia matter-of-factly/saucily,
".....In a cloistered environment like a university it'd be absurd to think
they're weren't relationships between faculty and students..."
Methinks Nadia's been watching Loving Annabelle a lot recently ;-)
"I hadn't given it much thought to be honest..." shrugs Bette, trying to be
nonchalant.
N: "Well, I know a lot of the students HAVE..........I know at least one
who'd LOVE to be with YOU"
(Blimey, is it just me or does this girl come on like a juggernaut with NO
brakes!)
B: *at first speechless and staring, then regains her composure and hands
Nadia a folder* Well, that's VERY flattering"
NB: another 'flattering' thing is, that Nadia seems incapable of wearing
anything below the waist that is longer than about 6 inches!
Then her eyes track Nadia as she rises, gets her bag and exits the office.
With a wry grin and a shake of the head, Bette has escaped the clutches of
her sexy TA for yet another day! HOORAY! (er, why aren't I booing? If she
hadn't escaped there would maybe be some actual lesbian sex on this
show!!!!) BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Fade up on:
Shane taking Shay to school. They stand outside H.P. Jonson Elementary for a
sec, then she slaps him on the shoulder with a "Let's do this!" and off in
they go. Shay takes her hand as they climb the steps and you can almost hear
the hiss of about a million lesbian hearts melting. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :-)
Cut to:
Inside the principles office, where Shane is being asked for all the things
she doesn't have or know: i.e. a birth certificate for Shay, immunisation
records, name of his doctor etc etc. It soon becomes clear to her that they
wont take him as she doesn't have any official paperwork for him so she
takes him and goes to leave. However, in the corridor outside he tells her
that his mother was proud of him for some test he did. Shane's resolves
doubles then and she marches back in to the principle. She explains the
basic facts to him: that Shay's father bailed on him as he did to her. That
his Mom is mentally unfit and awol at the moment. And that she will NOT let
him grow up in shelters like she did as a child. Bless her. She literally
begs the guy to let her brother go to school there. And by the end of the
scene he really looks like he's considering it! WAY TO GO SHANE!!!
Cut to:
Alice, trying to clean her apartment while Jenny tells her about finding out
where an S. Merkin (or "Vagina Wig" as Jenny lovingly calls her....) lives
and going over there, shouting for her etc. Seemingly that arty piece at the
beginning took place at four in morning, and as a result she soon had a
little Korean lady shouting at her for shouting etc at 4 am in the morning.
Btw, Jenny's impression of the Korean lady is awful. Almost as awful
as the semi-french maid's dress that she's wearing. Mind you, Alice seems to
be kitted out equally as badly in a housewife's dress from the "50s. Jenny
reminds Alice that the "Vagina Wig's" review of her book was dishonest
(remember, she pretended to be really nice and caring etc to Jenny), to
which Alice acquiesces:
"Yeah, lesbians love to eat their own."
I'm not saying anything about that line, as I have an entire review to do
and there's not enough time to fit all the jokes and puns in I'd want to do
about it IF I talked about it further. ;-) The two discuss the situation and
Alice thinks Jenny should let it drop with Stacy about the review.
Coincidently, Jenny describes herself in this scene, to Alice, as a
"fucked-up nitwit". I'm ALSO not saying anything about THAT line either. ;-)
;-) ;-) Alice says she should concentrate on the good reviews with positive
things to say about her book etc. Then she mentions she met Papi. "Met" eh?
So THAT'S what the kids are calling sex in a limo these days......The two go
back and forth discussing Papi and then Alice says about the fact Papi slept
with Helena just after bedding Alice.
"Oh that's so RUDE!" comments Jenny, shocked. LOL!
Not, "OH what a slapper!", or "GOD what a loose bitch!".
"Rude".
LMAO! It's ok Jenny, I'm pretty sure she ASKED them BEFORE she slept with
them ;-) Then in comes Helena so they shut up about that pretty quickly,
because, as Alice swiftly informs Jenny, Helena doesn't know that she knows
she slept with Papi etc. Helena comes in with,
"What a FUCKING disaster! I've had THREE job interviews today-either I'm
over-qualified or I have NO skills whatsoever!"
Seemingly her CV/resume wont even get her a job as a receptionist. Jenny
wonders out loud WHY she would want to BE a receptionist.
"I would pretty much do ANY job right now that doesn't involve SEX or
TOUCHING INSECTS, otherwise I'm gonna be stuck here with Alice!....." is
Helena's hilarious answer! LMFAO!
I see that you wouldn't have to be qualified to work as a hooker etc but
what's up with the touching insects part!!!!???!!Actually, cancel that. I
sooooo don't wanna know ;-) Alice takes that opportunity to have the
'sharing of the flat' talk, about personal space etc. (Mind you, Helena has
left her apartment in a mess, with half-eaten sandwiches etc strewn all over
the floor. Ick!) She stands in the middle of her living room and uses her
arms to denote that half of it is Helena's space and half is hers. At one
point she walks over to Helena (who's sitting in one of those spinny office
chairs at Alice's desk) and literally pushes/slides/shoves her over the
other side of the room so she can show her that her desk is in HER half of
the room! LMAO! Classic! She's just onto the part about keeping things
tidy when she gets a call from Bette.
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