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:: L A S S O E D ::
#4.3 Recap Blog by Riese

This is what I do: I keep score. I count the number of Lesbian Sex Moments, Lesbian Foreplay Moments, Non-Lesbian Sex Moments and Lesbian Squabbles. I monitor and record the fluctuation of my bisexuality on a Kinsey Scale. I give you your weekly Kittism and your weekly Jenny Moment and your Quote of the Week. I give you Screencaps.



I have one main thing to say about this episode of the Showtime Drama 'The L Word" titled "Lassoed Into Thinking Bette and Nadia were gonna get down with it, or: L'Tease":


This was like watching a bunch of outtakes from a bad porn movie where they left in all of the ridiculous pre-sex scenes filled with suggestive language but took out all the action. And by "action" I mean that at least one human girl is taking off her clothing. Even like--her bandana. There were moments when I would have settled for just a woman wearing a v-neck.

OK: There were some great moments. Some funny stuff. Some good character moments. Some cute outfits. But 45 minutes, and no sex? 45 minutes!!! Why deny us the pleasure of 15 more minutes?

Dear Showtime,

I set aside one hour of my life--my l'ennui, my own personal Lacuna, my Lost Weekend, my LIVIN LA VIDA FUCKIN' LOCA!! ( and I mean that y'all, I mean living the crazy goddamn life), and the most sexual action that occurred within this HOUR occurred in the 30,000-year long promo for The Tudors, (in which Jonathan Rhys Myers trots around like a beautiful feminine man who seduced a lot of women with truly terrific breasts, which is more than I can say for MAX, who actually this episode was imported from the set of "GREASE 2," slashed with a little "ROCKY 4" and hit over the head with a big box of "Tim Taylor's Tool Time"), not in The L Word which I thought was about THE WAY THAT WE LIVED.

I don't know about how you live, but the way I live involves 55-minute episodes.

Ugh. I just took a Vicodin and I'm eating a push-pop. Yeah, a push pop. Rainbow sherbet flavor, and there are pictures of Fred Flintstone on the packaging. I ain't gonna lie.

Look, I don't wanna be a hater. I mean, I want to be positive! So Haviland (my best friend) and I brainstormed a list of ten good things about this episode, which I will share with you as I proceed. FYI: I viewed this episode with my friends Haviland, Heather, Tara, Lainy and Sarah. Maggie came in for a little while too, but clearly was not totally enraptured by the show. I can't blame her really.

1. Maviland-Pro #1: "The Tennessee Williams throwback."

Jenny is all like "STACEY! STACEY!" We all cracked up over this. Mostly because it was funny and encouraging, because I am a big fan of Embracing the Camp.

Heather: This might be better than ARSON ARSON.
Lainy: Is she yelling "Jay-Z"?

When You're Smiling, The Whole World Smiles With You
Personally, I think Bette has very nice teeth. She would be excellent on a social networking site for people with nice teeth, it could be called Every week there would be a three-minute video of a Dentist in his jammies, explaining why it was necessary for him to remove all your teeth without putting you under which means you have to feel every iota of pain searing through your mouth. We could call it: 'Come on, Dentist.'

Not a fan of the earrings. But this is coming from the girl who has her bellybutton pierced and not her ears. So obviously I don't really know what I'm talking about.

Also, why is everyone in this episode dressed like they're selling frozen bananas in Frontier-Land, or like escorting Davy Crockett or something? I mean...I'm not complaining. Nadia's thighs are fairly tasty, or as Dana might say, CRIS-PAY!

(Maviland Pro #2: Nadia has nice thighs.)

This is Kinda Understandable, because they are at a cowboy party. Hot, right?

I think Shane looks hot here. No one agreed with me, except Tara a little bit.

Maviland Pro #3:
Haviland: "Bette's hot silver shoes."

(Me: What? When was THAT? Let's talk about Shane's white Hanes t-shirt undershirt! YOW! I don't need no Blahniks! Gimme 3-for-$9.99 t-shirts from KMART and we are good to GO!)

Sara: She needs a cheeseburger.
Sara: And a milkshake.
Me: You know who needs a milkshake is Shay.

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The L Word Online has been designed by Oz and Slicey.  Unique images designed by Oz.  Site maintained by Oz & Slicey.  This website is intended to be fun and informative, and was created with respect to show appreciation for the women and men involved in the creation of TV's first real lesbian drama.  This site is not endorsed, sponsored, or affiliated with Showtime Networks Inc., the television series "The L Word," or any person involved in the making of the show.  No copyright infringement is intended.  Images and other borrowed content are copyright their respective owners.  Credit is given where due.  All original content is the sole property of  the creators of The L Word Online copyright October 2003.